DISASTROUS ( Jon Snow )

38

she was a lion's roar,
broken glass,
and a thousand tiny paper cuts:
frightening, beautiful,
and very, very cruel.

-a.m.

__________

Amaris would not look at Jon. Guilt had settled over her, despite her thinking she was right. Even so, it felt wrong to be going against Jon's wishes. Her hands shook as she cleaned Rickon's chest of all blood.

Sansa, Jon, Davos, Melisandre, and Tormund stood in the dark, candlelit room. They were all staring at her. she was trembling, terrified of the outcome – whatever it might be.

Amaris squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath as she placed her hands flat on Rickon's chest. It was bare and cold, and the wound was ragged beneath her palms. With little ceremony, she began whispering the words, the prayer she had when bringing Jon back.

She repeated the prayer until her lips forgot what they were saying. Amaris had no idea how long she had been praying for, it could have been seconds or minutes or hours. Nothing had changed. Rickon still laid cold on the table, his eyes closed and forever unseeing.

Cursing loudly, Amaris sprinted out of the chamber, clutching her hands to her stomach. She entered an empty chamber and screamed at the top of her lungs. She lurched forward and violently threw any object she could find at the stone walls, cursing R'hllor's name and questioning everything.

Jon found her a while later, sitting in the middle of the room on the floor, sobbing into her knees.

"Amaris," he said quietly, kneeling in front of her.

He was still covered in dirt and blood, but his eyes were kinder than they had been before.

"Are you angry at me still?" Amaris asked him, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Jon stayed quiet for a moment before saying, "Last night, while you were asleep in Lady Melisandre's tent, I asked her to not bring me back if I died today. She told me that she couldn't promise me such a thing and that you would never promise it if I asked you to."

Amaris did not say anything.

"Ever since you brought me back... there's been something different with me. It's like—it's like I'm not all here. I feel dark. I feel wrong... I couldn't put this on my brother."

"Do you wish you were dead?" Amaris asked, tears brimming in her eyes.

"No," Jon said, biting his lip. He had a funny look on his face. "I don't wish to be dead... but I think I'm just expecting it to happen again, waiting for it to take me."

"Please don't say these things to me," Amaris requested, looking away from him. "I can't bear it."

Jon stood up, took Amaris' hands and pulled her to her feet.

"I don't know how to be angry with you," Jon mumbled, pressing a kiss to her jaw, just underneath her ear.

"Where's Sansa?" Amaris asked.

"Dealing with Ramsay," Jon answered. "She deserves to decide what's done with him after everything he put her through."

Amaris nodded.

"And Rickon?"

"Melisandre said to not touch him. She said he might still come back. She's with him now."

"Do you want him to come back?"

"Of course I want my brother alive and with me... I just don't want him to feel the way I do."