DISASTROUS ( Jon Snow )

16

her heart is broken but still filled with kindness, her eyes shed tears at night but shine brighter than the sun everyday.

-she is brave, she is strong, she is courage, she is love | t.i.

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"Your chambers, my lady," a timid fat man told Amaris, leading her to a dark, cold room.

Shireen would be staying in the chamber directly across from Amaris' but that still felt too far away. The Wall was a place for rapists and murderers and robbers. It was not a place for innocent little girls.

"Thank you, ser," Amaris said stiffly, offering the man a tight smile.

"Your grace," the man said, "should you need anything at all... just ask."

Glaring slightly, Amaris nodded before sharply turning and entering her chambers. She slammed the heavy door behind her and collapsed into a chair in front of the fire with a heavy sigh falling from her lips. Every bone in her body ached to leave the coldness and harshness of the Wall. But her heart was aching as well. She knew it would hurt to see him, but she never imagined that it would hurt as much as it did.

Trying to numb her feelings of discontent, she stared deep into the fire. The flames overtook her vision and her vision went black. But then vibrant colors erupted within the darkness of her mind.

The word 'dracarys' uttered, setting ships aflame. A dwarf with shaggy, golden hair being dragged by chains. A wooden horse dropping into snow. Sharp screams piercing the air. Shrieks filling silence, only stopping when the ground came upon the falling girl too quickly. A knife glinting in the knight. Dark blood pooling in the snow. A wolf howling a lonely song.

Gasping, Amaris fell off her chair and onto her knees. She could feel the skin split from the impact but she could barely feel it. All she could focus on was the carnage she saw. Someone was calling her name, shaking her – but Amaris could barely hear or feel it. Her brain was still dwelling on the visions.

Someone was calling for help, screaming for it, sobbing. Amaris was in a state of rigid shock, reliving the visions over and over within her mind. Footsteps, heavy and frantic, rushed into the princess's chambers. And then someone touched Amaris, shattering her catatonic state.

"Jon Snow," Amaris whispered quietly, her eyes locking with his.

He was now truly a man grown. His face had grown bearded and the muscles he had before had become far more prominent. The thing that took Amaris off guard was his eyes. They were harder, colder.

"My l– your grace," he answered respectably, inclining his head. "Are you alright?"

Amaris swallowed thickly. Oh how she wished to not be in this situation.

"I shall be," Amaris said with a thin smile.

Jon nodded. "Is there anything you require?"

You, Amaris' mind screamed. I need you. I have always needed you. Amaris, however, did not say that, though she suspected her eyes – the one part of her that she could never disguise or harden – betrayed her thoughts to the man who had always been able to see into her soul.

"Perhaps water... and food?" Amaris requested.

"Edd," Jon whispered to a gray faced man behind him.

"Right away," the man called Edd agreed.

"You gave me a fright," Shireen's voice spoke up, forcing Amaris to look away from Jon Snow.

"Oh, sister," Amaris whispered, pulling Shireen's small body into her arms, "I am so sorry you had to be a witness to that madness."

"It's never been that horrible before," Shireen whispered.

"I know, but I am alright," Amaris said, forcing a smile upon her face. "Now, darling, why don't you return to your chambers?"

Reluctantly, Shireen nodded. She was never one to hover, understanding when Amaris needed to be left alone. With Shireen's exit, Amaris and Jon were left alone – a fact that both terrified and exhilarated Amaris.

There was an uncomfortable silence that settled between the two former lovers. It was unbearable. Flushing, Amaris cleared her throat.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"For what?" Jon asked, his voice restricted. "I did nothing."

Amaris smiled and her eyes filled with melancholy tears as she looked at Jon Snow, the man she loved but could never have. Her hands twitched, her heart attempting to guide her fingers to his rugged face.

"Amaris," Jon whispered, the pain in his eyes mirroring hers.

"Don't speak," Amaris pleaded, her throat constricting as her eyes fluttered shut. "Just... leave me. Please."

"Of course, your grace," Jon complied.

Amaris did not open her eyes until she heard the door close. Once she was alone, she collapsed onto her bed and sobbed. And she hated herself for sobbing. She was a real woman now. And real women did not cry. Only little girls and boys cried. Only the little ones. Not her. Not anymore.

It was not until she found her life once again intertwined with Jon Snow that she cried. She had not cried in a year and as soon as she was reunited with Jon, she lost all that built-up strength. She was weak. Jon Snow made her weak. And she was not sure if she hated herself or him more.

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these two break my heart.

and just to be clear, i one hundred percent believe that strong women can cry. amaris has yet to come to that conclusion due to the patriarchal system she lives in. but don't fret, my childs, she will soon realize that you can still cry and kick ass.

-bleuseys