Mr. Misty-Eyed | Josh Dun

reality | thirteen

"I tried to warn you just to stay away."

. . . . .

The barrier between me and the outside world created by the blankets on my bed was holding up nicely. My entire body was submerged under the thick material as I shielded myself from everything. I didn't want to move and I definitely didn't want to face Tyler. He probably hated me after what I had done.

My vanishing act was so abrupt the night before that I hadn't even stayed to help break down after our set. Tyler's set. I had abandoned my best friend during the one time he needed me the most and I couldn't bring myself to get up and apologize to him. I was a horrible friend.

My body curled even more into itself as I heard the sound of my bedroom door creak open. I didn't move a muscle as feet padded into my room. I strained my ears in hopes that I could tell how close the person had gotten, but it was to no avail.

"Josh," Tyler's voice seemed quieter than usual. "I'm sorry."

The contents of my stomach churned at his words and before I could even react I heard the sound of my door closing again. I ran my hands over my face and through my hair, not allowing myself to break at his words. He had nothing to apologize for because I was the one who had ruined everything.

The longer Tyler's words lingered in the air the more uncomfortable I became. My skin felt hot and my hands started to clam up - the blankets that had been a protective layer now felt like they were trying to smother me.

Cool air hit my face as I finally pulled the covers away from me and took a few deep breaths. I wiped away the beads of sweat that had formed on my forehead before I sat up. Today was going to be a long day.

I didn't make any eye contact with Tyler or Jenna as I made my way into the kitchen. It had taken me a lot longer to get downstairs than I had hoped. Every time I took a step down I could feel panic start to rise up in my chest.

The room was silent other than the sound of Jenna's fork hitting the ceramic plate that held her breakfast. Tyler stood next to the sink, leaning back against the counter with a cup of tea in hand. No one spoke, but much like my dream, all eyes were on me.

My jaw tightened and I concentrated on making my own coffee. I hadn't realized my hands were shaking from anxiousness until the lip of the coffee pot hit the edge of the mug. The sound was ear-piercing in the quietness of the kitchen and I had never felt more out of place in my own home than in that moment.

Jenna quickly stood from her seat at the table, placing her dish in the sink, before she exited the room. I chewed at my lower lip as I swirled the dark liquid in my mug with a spoon. I didn't know what to say.

"I shouldn't have made you go out there," Tyler spoke up, running a frustrated hand through his dark hair. "I knew you weren't ready for it and I was just being selfish and I'm s-"

"Selfish?" I finally looked up at him with wide eyes. "I'm the one holding you back from what you want. I'll understand if you don't want me in the band anymore."

I was being completely serious. Maybe if he found someone else to play music with he might actually get somewhere with it. He didn't need me.

"Fine then." My shoulders dropped at his bluntness. "You're out of the band."

I frowned down at the mug in my hands, not wanting to see the look on his face. Silence filled the room once again as we both just stood there. My eyebrows knitted together in confusion as a muffled giggle snort filled the air. I looked toward my best friend to see that he was actually smiling, more like grinning.