Mr. Misty-Eyed | Josh Dun

reality | fourteen

"I will tell you, I love you,
But the muffs on your ears will cater your fears."

. . . . .

My fingers shook nervously as I stood in the bathroom trying to button up my shirt. Tyler stood in the doorway looking just as nervous, but for reasons that were surely different from mine.

The dream from the night before had been stuck in my brain since I woke up, replying itself on a loop. Though I had dreamt something similar before, this one just felt too real. I could still feel that burning sensation itching at the back of my neck. I tried my hardest to push it to the back of my head and concentrate on the only other thing making me anxious. It was what Tyler seemed to be so nervous about and yet I still couldn't understand why.

Today was the day I would be going out with Bryce and Johnny to the Thanksgiving parade. Normally Tyler would be all for me going and being active, but today was different.

"Are you sure about this?" Tyler asked for what felt like the hundredth time this morning. "I thought you were mad at Bryce."

"I'm not doing this for her," I said as I averted my gaze away from his. That statement was only half true, but I didn't want Tyler to know that quite yet. "Johnny wanted me to come along."

"Yeah, but..." He paused for a moment, reaching over and pulling at the collar of my shirt to fix it. "Is it a good idea to get attached to him?"

I stopped fussing with my hair and turned to look at him with a confused expression. "Weren't you the one who thought hanging out with Bryce and Johnny would be good for me?"

"Yeah, I did." Tyler itched over the thinly lined tattoos on his wrist nervously. "I just don't want you to have any extra stress on your mind right now."

My jaw clenched tightly as I held back a rude comment, finally realizing why he was being so weird. He didn't want me to have another panic attack. Like it might be what finally caused me to snap. But it wouldn't. I had to tell myself it wouldn't, because I wanted it to work with Bryce and with Johnny. They were supposed to be the reason I stayed calm. And I was going to do everything in my power in hopes it would end up that way.

"It's going to be fine," I said with sincerity before I began to run my fingers through my fluffy curls once again. 

. . . . .

"Let's play that game!" Johnny pulled at my wrist as we shuffled through another small crowd of people.

The 45 minute car ride was anything but fun. Bryce was practically walking on eggshells around me, always second guessing the things she wanted to say. So instead of saying anything, she stayed quiet. And even now she kept a safe distance between us and though I wanted to be comfortable around her again, but with how Tyler had acted this morning, my brain was forcing me to keep her at arms length.

I squeezed by a few people, my chest tightening as I tried not to be noticed by anyone around me. My eyes were locked on Johnny's short frame, making sure I didn't lose him in the crowded street. The 'parade' in this town wasn't quite what I had expected. It was more or less a street caravel with games and food, and of course a large amount of people.

"Johnny! Hold up."

The boy had gotten a bit too far ahead and I felt my protective side kick in when I realized if he kept going the pace that he was, we'd lose him for sure.