Mr. Misty-Eyed | Josh Dun

reality | seventeen

"He's seen too many stare downs,
Between the sun and the moon, in the morning air."

. . . . .

A breathless yell left my lips as I shot straight up in bed. I could feel beads of sweat on my forehead as my hair clung to my skin. My back hunched over as my eyes grew wide in panic. I couldn't breathe.

My hand clutched my chest as I tried to find someway to calm my racing heart. I jumped at the sound as my door burst open and Tyler stumbled into the dark room.

"Josh?!" He flipped on the overhead light and my eyes shut tightly as the pressure on my chest spiked.

"What do I do?" Tyler was by my side in seconds, his hand on my back as if to show me that he was there.

I didn't reply. I just bowed my head between my bent knees and tried to elongate my breathing pattern. There really was nothing he could do for me in this state. Him just being there was comfort enough. Something like that had never happened before. Waking up breathless, yes, but not so much to the point of a panic attack.

My hands fell to my side and gripped at the sheets on my bed as I finally felt the tightness in my chest start to lift. I felt dizzy, my vision blurring in and out. Deep breaths. I just had to keep taking deep breaths.

"I'll get you some water." I could barely hear Tyler's voice as he made his way back out of my room.

My eyes turned up to watch him leave and I felt the need to throw up as I saw how drained he looked. Had I done that? Was it all my fault?

In that moment I thought about the times when Tyler had suggested I go and see a doctor and wondered if it was too late now. I wondered if my brain was already too far gone.

"Here." Tyler was already back, leaning down as he handed me a glass of water.

"What time is it?" I croaked out, my voice hoarse and dry. It felt like I had eaten sandpaper.

Tyler's eyebrows furrowed in dissatisfaction toward my avoidance of the situation at hand. "It's almost 6:30am."

After taking a few tiny sips of water from the glass I set it down on the bedside table. I fell back against my bed and just stared up at the ceiling. My heart was still at an elevated level, but it felt almost normal for it to be beating at that rate. I sighed loudly as I realized I had only been asleep for maybe two hours, and yet in my dream it felt like days had passed. I remembered not too long ago when I had woken up so calmly. I had thought for sure that morning my dreams were at a turning point, but now I was thinking the complete opposite.

Tyler hesitated before he took a seat on the edge of my bed. His almost black hair stuck up everywhere as he continuously ran his fingers through it out of habit. He stared down at me with concern written all over his face.

It was an emotion that I had grown pretty accustomed to seeing from him since my dreams had gotten worse these last few months. But it still pained me to see him that way. His brown eyes were faded and dull from the lack of sleep I brought onto him.

"What can we do?" He asked.

I shook my head, not looking at him. "I really don't know."

We stayed quiet for a long time after that. The silence around us felt heavy and I couldn't take the feeling of the hole that started to form in the pit of my stomach.

"It's early, Ty," I finally spoke up. "You should go back to bed."

"What are you going to do?" He still looked worried.

"I can't go back to sleep." I shook my head as I sat up again and pulled the blankets off my body.

I stood, my knees feeling weak as I made my way across the room and to the door. "I'm just going to go downstairs."

I didn't wait for a response from my friend as I left the room. The air in the hallway felt so much warmer than in my room and I wondered if it was just my paranoia getting the best of me.

The tiny red light on the coffee maker held my attention as I tried to think of nothing at all. But the scenes from my dream still found a way to creep up. I just wished there was some way of getting them out.

"Want to watch a movie?" I tensed at the sound of Tyler's voice and turned to see him standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

A light smile graced my lips and I nodded my head in approval. He opened his mouth to say something else, but then quickly closed it, deciding against it. He then turned away and disappeared into the living room. I sighed heavily as the coffee maker beeped, signaling it was ready and I pulled two mugs down from one of the cabinets.

This was the only way Tyler knew how help me. But distractions could only work for so long.

. . . . .

My eyes traveled back and forth between Tyler and Jenna as they sat in the seats across from me. I had zoned out on their cutesy conversation minutes ago and instead I found myself observing the other people in the local diner we sat in.

Jenna had shown up at the house sometime later morning to find Tyler and I lounging out on the couch together. We had watched three movies in the span of my horrible wake up till Jenna forced us both up and out of the house. Somehow she had coaxed me into coming out for brunch with her and Tyler.

My gaze fell to the table in front of me, my cheeks turning red as I had made eye contact with someone across the room from me. I shut my eyes briefly and wished it didn't feel like everyone was now staring at me.

"So Josh..." Jenna's voice ripped me from my thoughts and I quickly looked up at her expectantly. "How was your date with Bryce?"

My heart leapt to my throat as a giddy smile tugged at my features. I pursed my lips as I thought over that fact that it had been days since it happened and yet I still hadn't heard from her. I slouched back against the seat, picking up the straw wrapper I had left on the table and fiddled with it nervously.

"It was actually really nice." I glanced up at her from the paper still pitched between my fingertips.

"But?" She tilted her head as she noticed my solemn expression.

I sighed heavily in response. "We kissed."

"Excuse me, what?!" Tyler interrupted me, a giant grin on his face. And I realized then that I had actually forgotten to tell him. But even so he was probably proud over the fact that I had actually found the courage to make a move.

I shot him a look before I continued. "But I haven't heard from her since then."

"Oh, Josh." Jenna chuckled and patted my hand in an attempt to comfort me. "You're so sensitive."

"Sorry?" I grimaced, slightly confused if I should take her words as a compliment or not.

"No, no! Not in a bad way," She smiled as she spoke again. "Even if they don't want to admit it, all girls like a more emotional man. I mean who wants to hang out with some rigid guy who thinks he's too cool to show his feelings?"

I sighed. "I guess..."

"Don't worry, you'll hear from her." She said just as the waitress came to our table with our food.

The conversation turned then toward something wedding related and I once again zoned out. I just had to believe that what Jenna had said was true. Bryce wouldn't have kissed me if she hadn't wanted to. Our day would come. I just had to keep my mind at ease and not overthink every single detail. I could do that, right?

.