Mr. Misty-Eyed | Josh Dun

reality | thirty-two

"Look in the mirror
and ask your soul if you're alright."

. . . . .

My eyes shot open wide as I sucked in a gasping breath of air and rolled out of bed, hitting the hard floor below. My stomach twisted and turned over as I felt bile start to rise up my throat, my entire chest tightening out of anxiousness. With shaky legs I rushed to the bathroom and fell to my knees on the cold tile as I empty my stomach into the toilet.

It was a reoccurring thing since the incident. I also blamed it on the anti-anxiety medication the doctor had prescribed me when I woke up in the hospital a few days before. I didn't want to take them because nausea was one of the many side affects that would occur before my body fully adjusted to the drugs. I felt slow, like my entire being had been tampered with.

"Are you okay?" Tyler's voice made me tense, but I didn't look up at him as he stood in the doorway of the bathroom. It felt all too familiar.

"No," I croaked out as I felt tears sting my eyes and my stomach start to churn.

I just wanted to be with Bryce, but immediate family were the only ones that had visitation privileges until the doctors said otherwise. It had been days since the accident and yet now instead of my normal nightmares, I continuously dreamt of those horrible minutes of trying to save Bryce's life and the terrified feeling of not knowing if I'd be able to. It was worse than anything I had ever dreamt because I knew that when I woke up it would still be the same.

Waking up and still not knowing if she was fully all right was draining me of all my energy. I hated it. Trisha would only ever give me the bare minimum of knowledge, telling me she was 'fine' and 'not to worry'. But how could I not? I let her go out onto that ice. I should have stopped her, like my mind had told me to, but the minutes of happiness beforehand had blinded me.

I didn't even know the reason as to why Bryce was still in the hospital, that's how little I knew. But I felt like Trisha had done that on purpose, she didn't want me worrying anymore than I already was. So in the end maybe she was actually doing me a favor.

"Come on, Josh." Tyler grabbed at my arm and yanked me up from my slouched position. "I got you."

My friend let out an exasperated grunt as he lead me back into my room and allowed me to sink back into the blankets piled on my bed. Tyler looked better than I expected him to. He had been so calm and collected this entire time, though inside I bet he felt just as shitty as I did. But he wanted me to see his confidence about the situation in hopes it would bring some out in me as well.

I flinched at the sound of my phone as it began to vibrate on the bedside table next to me. My forehead creased at the noise, a headache starting to form, but I didn't make any moves to pick it up.

"It's Trisha," Tyler spoke as he looked at the caller ID, before he shoved the phone into my face with a hard expression. "Answer it."

I ignored the tightening in my chest as I took the phone from his outstretched hand and put it to my ear. "Hello."

My voice sounded inhuman, dull and unsure. "Trisha?"

"Josh." Bryce's older sister sighed heavily into the phone. "I need a favor..."

I sat up slowly on my bed, letting my legs hang off the edge as Tyler sat next to me. My fingers ran through my knotted hair, the tension in my body increasing once she spoke again.

"Could you watch Johnny for a little while?" She sounded so tired. "I just need a day to spend alone with Bryce and it's hard to do that and keep an eye on him."

"Of course." The words left my lips before I could even think twice. Still in my hazy state I wanted to help that family in any way that I could.

Trisha let out a grateful sigh. "Thank you so much."

I nodded my head in reply, telling her that I would be over soon to pick him up. Once we ended the call, I just stared down at the black screen of my phone. My eyes blurred in and out as I felt my mind drift away for a second. My body tensed and I flinched as the look on Bryce's face when I pulled her from the lake invaded my thoughts.

Tyler watched my rigid body as I hunched over and let out a loud groan. I just couldn't wipe the images from my head. I felt a friendly hand rest against my bare shoulder and I turned to look over at my best friend helplessly.

He dark eyes held so much pity I had to turn away when he spoke. "Do you want me to go get Johnny?"

I shook my head and stood slowly from the bed, trying to concentrate on what I had been asked to do.

"No, I got it," I spoke as I crossed the room and rummaged through my dresser in search of a clean shirt.

. . . . .

Tiny arms clutched onto my waist for dear life as I stood in the open doorway of Bryce's home. Johnny's fingers curled and balled the material of my coat in his hands as he too stared up at his mother.

My eyes trailed over Trisha's solemn expression, her skin pale and hair tied back in a tight bun so no one would be able to tell she hadn't washed it in days. My heart ached for the family, but still the three of us just stood there in silence for what felt like forever.

"Thank you again for doing this." Trisha motioned for us to step away from the door so she could close and lock it on her way out.

We stepped off the porch and moved slowly down their driveway until we reached Trisha's car. My eyes looked up toward the overcast sky, a perfect mirror image of the way I felt. My gaze turned back to the two people that stood next to me when Trisha spoke to her son.

"Honey, please be good for Josh." She brought her son in for a tight squeeze and kissed the top of his hat covered head. "Okay?"

Johnny nodded in response, but said nothing. It was odd and a horrible feeling not hearing his excited voice or seeing his wild energy. It made me want to cry.

After that Trisha climbed into her car and started up the engine. I draped my arm loosely over Johnny's shoulders as we watched his mother pull out of the driveway and speed away. My head turned and stared after her car up until it disappeared out of sight.

"Josh?" Johnny's small voice sounded nothing like I was used to.

I looked down at him in question, his red nose a little runny as he held my gaze. "When is auntie B going to come home?"

My jaw clenched and my shoulders tensed. I had no way of answering that question for him. I was just as much in the dark as he was.

I gulped back my growing anxiousness before I slowly led him across the street and into my house. "Soon, bud. Soon."

My words were unsure, but I had to give him and myself all the hope I could.

. . . . .

A/N: Short chapter for you all! If you haven't been reading the dream chapters, I suggest you actually read this one if you want to know what happened. Next chapter will be a bit more informative.

As always, thank you so much for reading. I am absolutely in love with this book and am glad to be able to share it with you, friends.

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