Mr. Misty-Eyed | Josh Dun

reality | thirty-three

"Now, the night is coming to an end,
The sun will rise, and we will try again."

. . . . .

The bed creaked as I turned over onto my back. My arm rested lazily over my eyes to shield me from the outside world. It was easy to tell by the darkness of my room that I had only been asleep for a short time.

The drugs in my system had made it even harder for me to sleep. I only spent tiny, but still terrifying, moments in my dreamstate before abruptly waking up. And even after only a week I couldn't tell if I preferred the insomnia to the sporadic nightmares I'd have whenever my body decided to shut down.

I reached out toward the bedside table and grabbed my phone. 5:23am. My eyelids fluttered shut, the hand that held my phone dropped back down against the bed sheets. I was so tired.

It was around 9 o'clock when I finally dragged myself out of bed. I had laid there for hours trying to focus my mind on one single thought. Today was the day I'd finally get to see Bryce for the first time since the accident. She had been sent home the day before, but Trisha told me to give her a day to herself in her own home. I had honored that, but now I couldn't wait any longer.

The kitchen light felt too bright as I stepped through the doorway. I squinted my eyes, grimacing as the smell of breakfast food filled my nostrils. I had been hungrier recently, which was saying something, but when I'd eat I'd instantly feel sick to my stomach.

I glanced around the room and my chest tightened when I saw it was Jenna who was preparing breakfast. My head turned to the right where Tyler sat at the kitchen table already looking in my direction. His dark hair stuck up in small tuffs, his cheeks splotchy with red streaks from where his face had been pressed against his pillow in his sleep; he must have just gotten up as well.

Jenna gave me a half smile as I passed by and took a seat across from my friend. Tyler's wide eyes told me he had something important to say so he was my first destination, though the coffee maker called my name.

I shut my eyes briefly, running my hand over my face and through my hair. I could already feel a headache coming on and I was barely awake.

"Have you taken your pills yet?" Tyler asked with a careful tone.

I sighed loudly and shook my head from left to right. Instantly Tyler started to rise from his seat, but I reached my hand out to stop him.

"I'll do it, Tyler." My words were firm. "I'm not going to fight it."

The words I spoke were sincere. I had fought against taking medication for my anxiety for years, but I wasn't going to do it anymore. It was a struggle I couldn't fully take on by myself, and I had to be willing to take help from professionals and the medication they prescribed. It was trial and error from here on out and this was the only way of knowing if it would help me in the long run.

Tyler smiled and nodded before he took his seat again. It was then that Jenna set a mug of coffee in front of me and I looked up at her in thanks, my hands wrapping themselves around the ceramic container out of nervous habit.

"Josh." Tyler's voice pulled me back to him and I could hear the seriousness in his voice. "Before I say what I'm going to say, I want you to really think about it before giving me an answer, okay?"

My eyes shifted uncomfortably and narrowed in thought. "Okay."

"I feel like before we really get in too deep with the recording idea, that we take a step back so you can concentrate on you..." Tyler spoke slowly, thinking over his words as he continued on.