Unedited Chapter
I stood up from my comfortable bed and walk towards my desktop table and there it was, an A4 size yellow paper, sitting nicely on my table.
Someone had written on it, or specifically, Zayn wrote on it.
A memory of how I found the letter flashed in my mind as my eyes were glued to the yellow paper in Jenny’s hands. I still haven’t answered her because I don’t know how to. My mouth open and close several times but no words comes out. She slowly took a seat next to me and let her eyes scan through the content. “It’s Zayn’s handwriting.” She said as realization comes to her. I nodded slowly even though she’s not even looking at me.
We sat in silence as both of us look at the paper, as if it’s going to explode anytime. She turns to look at me and ask, “Have you read it?” I answer her by shaking my head. She nodded in reply and handed me the paper. “Read it. Don’t worry, I didn’t fully read it. I just scan through, realizing it was from Zayn.” I took the paper with my hands shaking slightly. I still wasn’t ready to read it and with what happened a few hours ago, I just couldn’t even bother about it anymore.
Jenny stood up and went towards the kitchen, leaving me some privacy. I gulp in a huge breath. Well, here goes nothing.
For my wonderful best friend that I could never live without,
I’m pretty sure by the time you read this, it’s already a bright Sunday morning. About yesterday, truthfully speaking, I did not know you had feelings for me for such a long time ago. I feel so guilty thinking about it like how did you manage to get through all the other girls that I’ve dated right in front of you. I know understand why you feel so mad at me for leaving you at the café for Sally. It was selfish of me. I know it may seem like things changing but it’s not. Yes, it’s the first time ever I come into your work place with a girl but that doesn’t mean anything. I’m truly sorry for making you feel downgraded because you have to serve me and Sally but it wasn’t my intention for you to feel that way.
I’m sorry for giving you high hopes because I treated you so different from other girls but that’s because you are my best friend. I told you before, you are at the top rank of my ‘Most important people’ list. Even my parents couldn’t beat you to that high post. I’m so sorry for hurting you without even knowing that my actions do that to you. I never meant to have you to have feelings for me and you know that. If not, I would have done something a long time ago. I’m such a bad friend. I don’t even know that I’m hurting you and I’m supposed to be your best friend. We known each other for a long time and I still couldn’t tell your real emotions. That’s why I get so mad when I keep seeing you with Alex. It’s like a piece of me just being pulled apart. You and I are like join to the hip. I don’t know what I will do if I lose you, Lucky. You have always been there for me through thick and thin. You risk your life for me and I’m grateful for every little thing that you have done for me.
That’s why I only want you to be my best friend. I don’t want to risk ruining our friendship if we take everything to the next step. I don’t want us to have fights that can stand in a way of our friendship. Relationship fights are so much more different than friendship fights and soon, we break up, things become awkward and we drifted apart. You, yourself, said you don’t want to ruin our beautiful bond. I’m sorry Lucky but I just can’t accept your feelings because I don’t feel the same way. Yes, I do love you. Yes, I can’t live without you. But not in the same way as you feel towards me. I hope you understand.
Things would not change between us. No one can do that. Not Sally or Alex or anyone else and I can promise you that. We will forever be best friends and will stick together until the day we die. You hold on to that promise, Lucky.
