Four Years [Poetry]

38. Teddy Bear

January 28, 2015

I knew him since freshman year

He was my sister's classmate

And once he seemed all I ever wanted

I started paying attention

Because of that,

I thought I knew him

But, in fact, I didn't

And I discovered that in the worst way possible

But even in college,

Just like a stubborn grown-up kid old for teddy bears

I still carried him around

I couldn't let him be taken away from me

I kept holding onto him

He helped me feel better

But in the next moment made me feel worse

Nobody noticed my teddy bear

I was so used to keep him hidden

But one thing I couldn't hide was

How I was failing so hard

But I just couldn't notice how he was one of the reasons behind

After all, I only saw

How his smile was something beautiful

How his smile was my private rainbow

How my old self thought I would never get tired of seeing him

In that wooden bench day after day

That was my mistake

Those good, playful memories were the fake ones

This teddy bear was never mine to play with

And the truth is

Hey,

I'm too old to play with dolls