Earth (Complete)

Twenty six

"Just speak to him."

"No."

"Jane, stop being like this. You're letting go of something truly amazing and–"

"Give it up, Cass. It's not going to happen."

A long silence filled the sound where Cassy's voice should've been. We've been on the phone for an hour now, talking about Dylan, I asked about how she was doing and she asked about Cody. There wasn't much to say. Seeing as she refused to come to the wedding, she missed out on everything.

Cody's ugly wife threw the bouquet, we had dinner and then they were off, somewhere tropical in Sec.1 seeing as they couldn't really go any lower than that. And even though I could hear it bothered her to the point where she'd start crying again, she wouldn't let me know about it otherwise.

But she was my best friend. I knew her inside out. She couldn't hide anything from me. And I would do my best to make her feel better. Though, I had no idea how to do that either. And when Dylan was gone, Jeremy always seemed to be there to fill in the gap.

"Tell me." He said.

"No." I answered.

"Jane." His bottom lip curled, baby-like and I gave him an eye roll and sighed.

"I was sixteen." I began and Jeremy smile beamed like the sun above our heads. "It was right after school. I stayed late after for a catchup knitting class I missed earlier in the week." He nodded, taking in my every word like it was threaded in gold. "His name is Tyler. He was the same age as me at the time and..." I thought back to that day. What was he doing?

"I think he was waiting for his friend to come pick him up. We had been talking. In secret, of course. You know, my mother would've killed me if she knew. Anyway, so he started talking to me and... it just sorta came out of nowhere."

Jeremy pondered on this thought for a while. "So, you randomly began talking, and he just kissed you. Like out of the blue?" I nodded. "That – must have been a really... terrible first kiss."

"It's not like yours was any better." I accused but when his eyes traveled to the ground, almost in embarrassment, and his lips tilted up in a sweet smile, I assumed it was. "It was better?"

"No." He laughed awkwardly and I looked at him pointedly.

"And why is that?"

He inhaled deeply. "Because I haven't had it yet..."

It didn't surprise me. He was ugly for four years straight. Can only imagine how much worse he looked before puberty hit. And girls fleeing from those cracked lips kind of made sense. The only reason I stuck around was because of my mother. She really had her heart set on landing the Stogans'.

"Which is why I stopped you that day..." He continued slowly. "I want our first time to be perfect. I wanted you to see the real me before... before anything happened."

I frowned in slight concern. "Don't get all cheesy on me, Jeremy." I nudged him playfully but he wouldn't budge.

"I'm serious, Jane." His jaw clenched and released, his nerves getting the better of him. He lifted his hand and gently held onto mine. "I want you to know how much you mean to me. And how much I want to be with you because of who you are. And not because of your body, status or name. I want you to have everything and anything your heart desires. And I want to be the one to give you that." Breath. "What I'm trying to say is that – you're going to be happy. We're going to be happy. Together. I promise."

The sincerity in his voice and eyes made me want to run for the hills. I felt sad for him. If only he knew...

I sauntered around in my bedroom that night, thoughts of the day drowning out any other. Jeremy was really trying to win me over. What if he did? What if I let him? This thing with Dylan obviously didn't work out and never would. What was I going to lose giving in to Jeremy?

This thought brought me out of my room and into the hall. The house was unbelievably silent. I didn't have anyone to talk to besides my parents who currently weren't sleeping in the same room anymore, which wasn't anything new but I suppose, it's never really nice when you know your parents really just can't stand each other anymore.

I drifted into my father's study. Mother was out like a light and she locked dad out of their room, which left him loafing around until he got tired or drunk enough to go sleep in the guest bedroom. I gave the door a soft knock and drifted inside. My father sat in his desk chair, staring at the floor, a crystal glass filled with a dark brown liquid resting in his hand.

"Dad?"

His eyes drifted up to mine and his mouth curved up into a small smile. Geez, he must be really drunk. Dad never really smiled at me unless people were around and it was forced. Now, I suppose the liquor had seeped into his brain and he couldn't force one if he tried. This was totally genuine.

"Are you alright?" I asked quietly as I took a small step into the room.

He grunted and nodded his head, after which he waved me over. Like I did when I was a kid, I walked over to his open arms and sat on his lap, resting my knees on the edge of the chair and my head on his shoulder.

Obviously, being a bit bigger than I realized I was, dad had to readjust himself to get comfortable but never complained. The whiskey or scotch in his hand rested on his open knee, his free hand holding it in place and the other wrapping around my back instinctively, protectively.

I hadn't been so close to my father since I was seven. He wasn't really one for physical affection and this was about the only time I could get close to him – when he was too drunk to know what he was doing. Still, I never complained.

Having this was better than going to mother and not knowing when she'd slap you in the face – after church, age eleven – or whether she'd hug you, kiss you and love you for a few minutes – random date, age six. Yeah, that was the last time she actually showed me genuine physical affection. And I remember it, because it only ever happened once.

We sat in silence for a while, his whiskey breath puffing out in thick volumes on my cheek and me happily breathing it in. It brought me some type of comfort I couldn't quite understand. A few minutes in and he hummed.

"My sweet little girl." His deep voice gave me pleasant goosebumps and he sniffed a little. "My sweet, sweet little girl."

A hand rubbed the back of my hair as he placed a kiss atop my head. I wrapped an arm around my dad, holding him as close as possible as silent tears fell on my nightdress, only, they weren't mine.

I had no idea why he was crying. Sure, he had a lot to cry about. A cheating wife, a son who doesn't look up to him for anything, a daughter he doesn't really know, and whatever else was bothering him. The alarm at his tears couldn't be shaken. My father wasn't one to show any emotion, much like my mother.

Seeing either of them cry punctured a hole in deep into my chest. Seeing my father cry... it seemed worse than seeing mom cry. Mostly because all he truly did was try to be a good man, take care of his house, business, wife and children. He most certainly didn't deserve the shit he was receiving. And my heart ached like never before.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm sorry about... about Jeremy."

And suddenly, an understanding came to me. My dad had been in the Suitor's Ceremony, as was my mother. He knew what this was like. And I suppose he felt it for Cody, as well as for me. He knew how much we hated the Stogans', but being part of this society, there wasn't much he could do about it besides accept it, and let it be.

I sighed and looked up at him, then moved and placed a kiss to the tear falling down his cheek as I said, "Don't worry about me, old man." I smiled. "I'll be alright."

Going to bed that night, I made my decision about what I wanted to do with my life. Dad didn't have much of a choice in probably being forced to pick mom, who was no doubt an Ursula in her days, and neither did I. But I knew one thing.

And that was that I will never be forced into a life that I didn't want, especially with a person I didn't love. If that meant I'd have to fight 'til my last dying breath to get a smidge of happiness, then that's what I would do.