A Beautiful Disaster

Chapter 11

It had been exactly 17 days since I've last seen Rae. And I was getting worse again. I no longer believed she was coming to talk to me.

I had stopped caring about how I looked, about actual food and about cleaning the house. I hadn't worn makeup in days. And all I'd been wearing was sweaters and T-shirts.

I stepped out of the shower and gabbed a towel to dry myself.

I put on a sweater and walked downstairs. I walked into the living room when I heard a knock on the door.

Without any thoughts, I opened the front door. There she was.

Rae.

My eyes widened and immediately jumped in her arms.

"I told you I was coming. Sorry it took so long", she said. I smiled. "That's okay. Come in", I said. She stepped in and shut the door behind her.

"Let me change real quick", I said. "Don't", she said with a small smile. "I missed your cute, sloppy look." I smiled.

We sat on the couch and I started talking.

"I'm so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to.. sleep with someone else. I never wanted this. Marissa and I went out because I was lonely and I needed to get out of the house for a while. We went to get some drinks and this girl basically forced me onto her. But, it was my choice to take her home. My fault, not hers. And when I woke up, I had no idea what had happened. When I saw her laying there, on your side of the bed.. I was so disgusted by myself. I still am. And I could never make this right, I know that. But I wouldn't want anything more than the chance to try it", I said.

"What you did, was wrong in so many ways. And I'll never be able to understand why you did it. I think about it everyday. And even being near you makes me feel disgusting", she said.

Tears started to form in my eyes.
"This isn't what I expected it to go to", I said.
"Then what did you expect? That everything would be okay, just like that? Think again."

"Then why did you came here?", I asked. "To give you the chance to explain. But I never said I was going to forgive you for this. I will never forgive you."

She got up. "I hope you'll find happiness", she said. "But that's not with me." And with that, she walked out.

As I heard the door shut, I broke down crying. It felt like I couldn't breathe. It felt like my heart was ripped out and my world had come crashing down. I didn't know what to do without her in my life.

"This is all your fault!", I yelled to myself.

Tears kept rolling down my face as it got harder to breathe. I opened my eyes, but all I could see was blur.

I rubbed my eyes and got up. "You don't deserve anything", I said.

I threw everything off the coffee table and flipped it over. I grabbed a chair and threw it across the room, cracking the window.

When I broke most of my stuff, I just broke down and leaned against the wall.

"Why did this even happen..", I whispered. I had no idea what to do.

After a little while I stood up and looked at the mess I had made. Almost everything that I could possibly break, was broken. I wasn't even bothered to clean up.

I dragged myself upstairs and into the bathroom. "You're never going to get over this", I said as I looked at myself in the mirror. I took a deep breath and just threw myself on the bed.

"It's not like it's the first night without you", I side looking at Rae's side of the bed.

I burried my face in my pillow as I tried to calm myself down.