DIE ➳ JACK JOHNSON

EPILOGUE

There's this tricky thing about love, because you're not sure if you hate it or love it. Both sides give such great examples that it's hard to know if it was all worth it or a waste.

Being in love with Jack Johnson made Alaska feel almost invincible. She could laugh, talk, be comfortable, and most importantly, be herself. She loved that he could literally make her day.

As she was sitting at the airport with her newfound friends, waiting for her flight, she let herself reminiscence the times they had together. He wasn't an all around bad person. He had some good qualities, and she was never going to discredit them.

She distanced herself from the group as they tried throwing snacks into each other's mouth. She should be feeling happy, because Jack was right about one thing, she could finally do what she loved and share it with people. 

She never met a person like Jack who was so complex and even as guarded as she was. He had so many layers that made him all the more confusing. He was understanding and kindhearted, but he was also terrified and cold at times. 

She never met a person who cared for her, and only her. He didn't seem as close to his friends or even remotely close to his family. All his time was spent with her, and maybe that's why she stayed as long as she did. She liked the feeling of someone actually caring about whether she liked the food or if she felt comfortable in bed. She wanted someone always there to feel that attention that was deprived from her for so long.

She laid her whole heart out there for him, but she didn't get the same in return. She thought she knew him, but she didn't really know him. All his fears and hopes, he kept locked up from her.

Thinking of Jack made her mad though. He said he tried, but it felt like he didn't. She knew what it felt like to try, because she tried. She forgave him all those times for messing up, because she thought she couldn't live without him. She now realized she was wrong. It's not that she couldn't, because she could find a way to be happy on her own. It's just that she didn't want to.

When the announcer called her flight, she got up to leave with the rest of them. Before that, she looked back one last time. It wasn't because she was hoping Jack would run in and stop her, because she needed this. It was to say goodbye to the place and the memories. Say goodbye to the boy she loved, and remind herself that this isn't the end. Now, she was beginning to feel pain because she was so used to their lifestyle together, but she knew happiness wasn't impossible. That's why she'll always love him. He taught her that. She's still young, and there's still hope left out there for her.

She got into the plane and sat on her window sit, next to Aqua. She looked outside it as they lifted off, seeing the whole city and then just plain clouds. She was reading for the journey.

Being in love with Alaska Miller made Jack feel happy. It was as simple as that. She had this mysterious glow about her, but once you pop through that, you're met with this one weird chick. He loved the way she made him smile and feel better.

He sat at home, drowning himself in beer. He thought about inviting his friends over, but he didn't feel like it. He didn't want people judging him and scolding him for letting her go. He liked it with her here though, because he knew she'd never do that.

He thought about everything that involved her. He thought about how she used to jump on the bed every morning she woke up before him and say, "Get your arse up," and when he did wake up, she'd snuggle close to him and say that she just wants to stay there forever. He saw the box of blue hair dye she used to redye her hair, since she hated her roots and going off about how boring it was. He thought about it all.

He remembered everything she told him, and how'd his heart break every time. He admired her strength, because she got through all of that when he couldn't even handle one girl. 

He knew everything about her, from the way she sticks her tongue out when she's embarrassed or how she loves to watch videos on YouTube just so she can get a good cry. He's annoyed that every time he sees something, he'd see her face.

He threw his beer bottle at the box of hair dye standing on the edge of the table. He dropped his head to his hands, and cried like a man. 

She was all he had, all he ever wanted. She forgave him for mistakes, and saw past those. She knew the type of person he was, and was patient enough to deal with his bullshit. She laughed at his jokes. She blushed at his kisses. She loved him despite him not being able to love himself.

She loved the fucked up player who parties too much, hates his family, and doesn't care enough. 

She was right about him being a coward, because she was all he ever hoped her to escape the boring cycle he leaved in and he pushed her away, only because his feelings hit him too hard to understand them.

He only messed everything up, because he didn't even try to change it. He accepted his lifestyle without even knowing, when he could have changed it. He let out a scream, because this is now his life, only because he chose it. 

He had the option of this and her, and he didn't choose her. He loved her, and now she was gone. She left, and he wasn't ready for a goodbye.

Love makes you all frazzled, heartbroken, giddy, cruel, and the list can go on. 

Love taught both Jack and Alaska a lot of things - a lot of things that they wish they both knew before entering into the relationship, but also a lot of things they are grateful for getting to know and wishing they never go through the same thing again.

Because although their love was great - their love was one of those epic loves - the pain that they're stuck with, no matter how big or small, no matter how many times they say it doesn't sting, the remembrance of that pain is still there.