91 Days Of Missing Your Name

Day 22

Paul shook me awake at 6 this morning and had to basically drag me into the van. The other boys were there, but Paul explained how it would be an interview for me only.

"Harry you'll be fine."

"We'll be right there if you need anything."

Liam and Zayn said.

Niall was dead silent along with me. I wondered what he had going through his head.

"Niall," I spoke and the all the conversations going on fell silent.

Niall looked at me, his blue eyes stinging with pain. "If you're wondering what's wrong I-"

"No I just wanted to tell you that I'm here for you. Even if I'm the only one."

The other boys were staring at me. Like I had just murdered someone.

A flicker of hope flashed into Niall's eyes as his accent grew thick.

"Thanks Harry." He smiled as I repeated him.

The rain outside stopped and the sun began to show through the clouds as we pulled up to the press building.

"Harry," Niall began as we piled out of the car. I turned to face him as he continued.

"Tell them everything you'd want to tell them. They can't force you to say anything about Louis that you don't want to."

"Yeah I know. I wasn't planning on telling them much."

"Good." He smiles as we walk into the building.

I looked up at a big screen plastered on the wall that read,'HARRY STYLES ON LOUIS TOMLINSON: LIVE IN 15.'

A pain in my heart grew. Usually those signs would say Harry Styles WITH Louis Tomlinson. God Louis every little thing is missing without you in it.

All of the sudden arms wrap around me tightly as I'm brought back into reality. I turn around to see Lou our makeup artist.

"Harry my god I've missed you so much." She whispers as I see tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Hi Lou." I say as I embrace her in a hug. This feels right. To be back with Lou and the other boys. But I know that'll never be able to happen. Not without you, Louis.

"I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine. You know I love you both so dearly." She says while trying to wipe away her tears.

"Your makeup is running." I tease as she shrieks. I blow out in laughter as the manager calls out,"10 minutes!"

The smile is wiped off my face as I take a deep breath. I'm more scared than anything to do this. I wonder what the press will say about me. The new skinny, depressed, crying me. The me that I never thought I would become until tragedy struck.

"Here Harry," Lou says as she hands me a muffin.

"Gain a few." She continues before walking away.

I wonder what she'd do if she knew how long it's been since I've washed myself or brushed my teeth or ate breakfast. She'd probably freak out and babysit me for the rest of my life. Maybe that's why I'm keeping to myself so much.

Suddenly the other boys come toward me as I set the food on the table. "We are gonna start on over to the stage." Liam says.

Niall gives me a tight hug as he mumbles,"Good luck out there kiddo."

We begin the long and dreadful walk to the stage where my interview begins. "And today our special guest is Harry Styles! Pop star sensation, boy band hottie, every teenage girls heart throb. This is the first time he's been out of the house since his bandmate and roommate, Louis Tomlinson, died 3 weeks ago. He's here to talk to us about life now without his best friend. Also what he plans to happen in the future, along with what will happen to the worlds largest boy band, One Direction. Ladies and Gentleman, give it up for Harry Styles!" The crowd roars with applause as I walk out on stage. The other boys view from the side as I shake the interviewers hand and take a seat on the dark red sofa.

"Good Morning Harry, how have you been?"

The lights are so bright on stage. Everything feels different than usual.

"Honestly, not very good." There's no point in lying. I've lost everything I've ever cared about, you think I'm going to say I'm fine?

"It's a shame to hear that. We want you to know how much Louis has impacted our lives too."

I nod as he continues.

"Let's start with some basic questions, as we have a lot to catch up on."

"First thing is first, your appearance is so much different than the cover of last months Teen Vogue magazine. Tell me what's changed?"

"It's true that I've lost a few pounds as well as not leaving our flat. I don't think there's any point really."

"You do look so much thinner. Also paler that's true. There's one thing we all noticed or at least I noticed as soon as you got out here. Your eyes have changed so much. The green glowing orbs that have thrown girls head over heels are now greying. They're bloodshot and full of sorrow. Have you been crying a lot?"

I slowly nod as I bite my lip. Not here. Not in front of everyone.

"That's a shame to hear. Tell me, in fact tell us all what has kept you going so long?"

"As you probably have heard," I mumble before clearing my voice.

"I tried to take my life two nights ago."

The crowd goes silent as I see a few fans in front row break down crying.

"The reason I did it was because I was lonely. I'm sad. And I couldn't find a meaning to try and continue on. There wasn't a purpose for me. I didn't think about the band. I didn't think about the publicity and how it would affect the fans and the world. Call me selfish, but all I cared about was getting myself back to Louis. Because without him I'm useless." The crowd roars with 'aww's' as I turn towards the interviewer. Ready for anything.

"That's an incredible thing for you to share Harry. What really stopped you from dying that night? Was it yourself telling you last second you need to live or was it just Louis telling you from above? Giving you the chance to go on?"

"The second I downed those pills I purged. If I hadn't of done that there's a 95% chance I would've been gone. I knew that somebody out there needed me. That Lou would've wanted me to continue on, the chance that he didn't have. Everything just happened so suddenly."

The interviewer begins to speak as I zone out. Instead I look past him. The bright lights blinding me, I see a faint body standing behind him. Then I see him smile and I know who it is.

He opens his eyes. Those eyes I never thought I'd see again. The blue twinkles in those lights as he says to me,"I missed you." I smile and try to speak back but I can't.

I try to scream out. I can't. Suddenly his smile disappears. His shadow fades away. My throat is closing as I desperately look for him. He's gone.

He must've snuck out back. He's waiting. I know he is. I try to get up but I can't move. Suddenly everything just becomes a blur.