91 Days Of Missing Your Name

Day 34

I slowly blink my eyes open and the lights in the room are too bright. I turn my head a little to feel a burning pain in my neck. I recognize the room instantly from visiting Gemma. I'm in the hospital.

I slowly start to remember faintly what happened. I look at my wrist and see a white line scraped across my skin. Now it is only a faint scar and will soon fade away until I can no longer see it.

I wonder why it looks so old if it only happened yesterday. When I trace the scar with my finger it doesn't even hurt. I can imagine you doing the same with your scars Louis. I remember only seeing them once, and you told me your cat had scratched you. Me being the dumbass I am thought nothing of it. But now I finally understand.

All of the sudden a doctor walks into the room and nearly has a heart attack when I say hello.

"Harry?" They ask.

"Yeah?" I say, my voice still scratched. Maybe it's from all the yelling I did yesterday. I probably lost my voice.

"I was just bringing the certificate," The doctor sighs as he walks over to me. I am confused as he pulls up a chair and rests his elbows on the edge of my bed.

"Sir I don't understand," I ask confused.

"Harry, we thought you were dead."

"What? Why!" I sit up a little and state at the man in awe. When a person is asleep for a day you can't just assume they're dead!

"You were out cold for almost a month. Let me explain." I lean back and stare at the ceiling not ready for the words he has to say.

"You were extremely unhealthy when you were placed on this bed Harry. You suffered from the worst case of anorexia I have ever seen. Your friend Liam told me you probably had severe depression as well as suicidal thoughts. That day you passed out was a miracle all on its own. You did throw up your stomach lining, and your body could not even handle itself anymore. You were literally a stick Harry. I've never seen anything like it. We've been feeding you liquid food from these tubes for this whole time. You're looking healthier but we are still all so concerned." I swallow hard at the thought of me about to die that day. If Liam wasn't being an asshole I wouldn't of passed out. I would've died right then and there in front of him and I wonder if he'd be able to move on.

"This, This was you before." The doctor holds a picture in front of me that makes my throat go completely dry. I don't even recognize myself.

My stomach is paper thin, and my bones looked like they had no meat to them at all. My hair looked dry and my skin was pale white. I can't look at the photo any longer before I push it away from my sight.

"Please tell me I'm healthier." I say.

"Mr.Styles you've come a long way. Yes, you've gained fat but you probably want a little muscle. Maybe it's not ideally what you're looking for, but you're now back in the healthy weight zone." He assures me as the door to my room swings open.

"Yeah and last night when Zayn told me that I was-" Niall stops telling Liam his sentence as their eyes fall on me and realize I'm alive.

Before I know it I'm in a bone crushing hug between the two of them.

"Harry oh my god you scared us so much."

"We didn't think you would stay. We thought you were going to leave us all alone." They say Into my ear before backing away.

"I promise to never do that again. I'm so sorry for scaring you guys. I missed you both so much."

"We came here every day just to see if you had waken up." Liam says.

"But we didn't actually think we'd ever get the chance to finally greet you." Niall finishes.

"Also mate I'm so sorry for yelling at you that day. I feel so guilty-"

"No Liam." I interrupt. "If you hadn't of pissed me off I would've died probably a half hour later. Thank you for being an asshole." I joke to him as he smiles brightly and I do the same.

I feel so much better back with the boys. I don't remember being in that state but I can tell I haven't seen them in what feels like forever.

I honestly do wish you would've been there standing next to Liam telling me how much you've missed me. I love you Lou. And I'm serious this time when I say I'll stay strong for you. I've let you down this whole time and I'm sorry.