91 Days Of Missing Your Name

Day 28

"Good morning Harry." Gemma says as I trudge into the kitchen the next morning.

"Yeah hi." I wave her off as I look through the cabinets for some cereal. I find just any other brand and pour some. As I begin to eat I see Gemma staring at me from the corner of my eye.

"What?" I ask.

"You're eating."

"Holy fuck. I'm eating." I say as I drop the spoon in the bowl.

For a moment I had forgotten. How terrible life really was. How incredibly hard it was supposed to be for me to eat.

"When you close your eyes what do you see?" I ask.

"Uhm nothing? It's dark. It's lonely."

"That's exactly what it feels like. Every burning moment," I say. "And I just had my eyes open."

"You can't live your whole life with your eyes closed. You won't be able to see." She says.

"I can't see anyway. It's not going to make a difference if a blind man has his eyes open or closed." I state as I put the bowl of cereal on the counter.

I left her completely silent as I went to put on some clothes. When I came back my mum was in the kitchen too.

"Harry is this cereal yours?" She asks gesturing to the one-bite-taken cereal.

"Yeah. I had a little of it."

"How much?"

"Like a bite." I shrug as Gemma doesn't even look up.

"Anyways Mum I was thinking about leaving a day early." I say as I sit down at the counter.

"Why darling?" She asks as she begins to wipe off the dishes.

"Well the boys are gonna try and do a show tomorrow and I thought I would come."

"Really?" She asks surprised.

"Yeah Is that okay?"

"As long as you're not lying to me that's fine. Listen I don't want your name in the paper anymore okay? Please just be safe." My mum walks over as I stand up to hug her.

"Thanks for having me." I mumble into her shoulder.

"You're welcome back any time."

"Bye Gemma." I say but she doesn't look up. Instead she just stares straight forward. Weird.

I collect my things and head out to the car. As I start The engine my mum waves to me goodbye from the front porch. I turn up the music as loud as possible to drown out any possible thoughts about you.

Then my phone starts ringing the second I get onto the main streets. I turn off the sound and answer to hear Liam's voice. "Harry?"

"Hi Liam."

"Are you going to the concert tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I'm coming home today from my mum's." I say as I turn my blinkers on. This traffic is maddening.

"Great! Everything will feel just right as soon as you step onto that stage again believe me. Anyways I gotta catch you later."

"Bye Liam." I say and hang up.

With all the cars and buses around me I can't help but wonder what Lou mud have been like driving with a rose and a note in the back seat. A blind man leaving behind his whole world.

I think we're all blind men. We can't see each others love. We can't see the obsessions they have on us. Lou was a blind man. I was a blind man.

I can't see the future anymore. I don't see anything coming of it and that's what scares me the most. It should've been Lou and I forever like he always promised.