91 Days Of Missing Your Name

Day 29

"That crowd," Niall takes a deep breath before continuing,"is insane!" He yells.

"Oh my god literally the loudest thing I've ever heard." Liam says.

"You're coming out with us this round right?" Zayn asks as I nod.

I wasn't ready to go out for the first set of songs. Mainly because I puked of nervousness. But also because I wasn't prepared to be there without Louis. I cried and sweat and I couldn't get out there in time.

But this time I had to suck it up and try. Just for you,Louis.

I grab the last mic left as the boys pat me on the back. "Let's do this." They say. The butterflies come back as I swallow hard. I can do this. I know I can.

"Go go go!" Liam yells as we sprint out on stage. There's instantly big rows of insanely bright lights. The crowd is roaring at the sight of not only us, but probably because I have joined.

"Harry! Harry! Harry!" They start chanting as I smile and wave.

"Hi guys." I say Into the mic as they scream even more.

"What song now?" I ask the boys as they smile.

"Half a heart." The screaming of teenage girls erupt the stadium as the guitars start playing.

We discussed before that I would be doing the first chorus instead of Zayn, just to change things up. Liam is coming to a close to his lines as I step ahead.

My hands shaking with fear as I look up towards the sky. You are up there watching me. I have to nail this. I take a deep breath before singing,

"And being here without you, is like I'm waking up to," I instantly see memories of you and I flashing through my head. I never realized how this song described us immensely.

"Only half a blue sky, kinda there - but not quite, I'm walking around with just one shoe, I'm half a heart without you," I sing out as hard as I can. This has to mean something.

"I'm half a man, at best, with half a arrow in my chest, I miss everything we do, I'm half a heart without you." I finish as I put the mic down and smile. The tears are rushing down my face so fast. I don't know if I lived up to your expectations of the chorus. But I'm also so happy to be here. And to have any chance in the world.

As I take it all in I hear a recording start to play as I freeze. "Forget all we said that night no it doesn't even matter, cause we both got split into two." I look around to search for Lou and I remember again that he's not here.

I turn towards the boys horrified. Niall runs over to me and dives into me with a big hug. I cry heavily into his shoulder as he pats my back. I forgot about Lou's solo following me.

I heard his voice singing along. I had to hear it again. My mind phased through that morning again. The cop saying,"Louis Tomlinson is dead."

"Harry?" Niall asks as I realize the song ended.

"Yeah I'm- I'm fine." I say as I back away from him and wipe away my tears.

"Harry are you alright? We all love you so much. We hope you're okay. We need you here." I turn around to see Liam holding up a mic to a fan.

I smile as I wave to her. "No Harry please. Please stay." She says in a straight face. She's not freaking out, she's not startled. She's dead serious on her request.

"Do I have to sing?" I try to ask but my voice cracks terribly.

"No!" The crowd replies as I set down my mic and sit down on a speaker.

They care enough to not make me suffer through the songs. They just want to see me there and smiling. I would've never seen this coming. I wish you were here Lou. I need to hear your voice and your name and your jokes. Everything about you I'd die to have back.

They begin to sing Diana as I sit back and watch the crowd. I need to calm down. I need to take a step back. It's all so much for me. It's totally overwhelming.

"I speak the same ole language, and we all hear your call," Liam sings as I look at them confused.

"Oh Harry, let us be the ones to set a fire inside those eyes. You've been lonely you clearly know me, but I can see your crying!" They sing.

"Oh Harry, let us be the ones to lift your heart up and save your life. I don't think you'd even realize but without you, you'd be losing mine." I smile ear to ear at the new words they've made for the song.

Yeah, maybe everything is unclear. Maybe I miss you like crazy and it's hard to live. But the boys are there for me. They're supposed to be my brothers. So I'll let them.

Nothing is going to change you being gone or here. It's still going to be hard. Very hard. But at least I have them here.