Leaving love

he's back

I ran. I didn’t know where I was going but I had to leave.

He never loved me enough to be faithful to our family.

A happy memory of a family picnic where mother was nice to me flashed by. An act

He didn’t love our family enough so he made a new one.

14 Christmas memories came to mind. A betrayal.

We weren’t good enough for him.

Birthdays and other celebrations were dragged up and crushed. A game.

I wasn’t good enough for him.

All those times he told me he loved me, that he cared, that I was special. The times he checked the closet and under the bed for the bogey man. A big fat lie.

Nick hates me, Dee hates me, Kris hates me, my mother hates me, my father hates me. I’m unlovable. Destined to be alone. But not Nick. Though she had plenty of faults, I couldn’t deny that Mackenzie cared about him. And he cared about her. Mimi’s family was the loop hole in the contract. I knew it would tear my family apart, but somehow I knew I would do it for Nick.

I love him.

The unwelcome thought burst into my mind. Nick… It was always Nick. I couldn’t lead Ant on like this any longer. And for both of their sakes I needed to leave.

Ant needed a clean break and Nick needed a fresh start. My heart shattered to pieces.

I love them both.

But not the way I should. I ran and ran and never looked back. Exhausted I curled up under a willow tree and fell into sleeps blissful oblivion…

I was being carried. That was literally my first thought when I woke up. I was roughly dumped in a car and driven off. Honestly I was probably being kidnapped but I really didn’t care.

“I know you’re awake.” he said stiffly, his voice was familiar. I turned my head in the direction if the voice and froze in shock. Nick. “Do you know how worried everyone is?! Did you even think about them?! What if you were kidnapped?! What if you got hypothermia and died?! Do you even care?!” He yelled.

He was working himself up. I could tell. Typical.

“Well?! Answer me!” He yelled in frustration as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Why do you care?” I asked brokenly.

“What?”

“You know what I mean. You hate me. I don’t matter to you.” I said icily. Nick glared at me. He opened his mouth but closed it again. He shot me an evil look.

“I just do.”

“And that is such a logical thing to do huh.” I responded with sarcasm dripping from my every word.

“Whatever. Your dad’s worried sick abou-” Nick started but the look on my face must have cut him off. “What happened?”

“Nothing you have the right to know about.” I hissed. His face hardened at my words and he abruptly pulled over.

“What is your problem!” He demanded.

“Gee. Nothing. I’m just locked up in a car with a guy who hates me for no good reason when I thought we were actually becoming friends.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it. And it’s your fault for sleeping around.” He snapped. I gave him a hateful look.

“I would never cheat. And I can barely look at any guy other than you and Ant without blushing! What makes you think I would sleep with a guy I barely know!” I screamed.

“Because Mackenzie said so!”

“Yes! Because Mackenzie and I are BFFs. We just love hanging out and doing each others hair and painting each other’s toe nails. She’d be 100% honest with you about me. You know me Nick!”

“You never visited!” He retorted.

“Never? Never?! Go see your visitor list and tell me exactly how many times I visited after that!”

“What are you talking about?”

“I did visit you. Go ask Martha. Mackenzie must have been jealous or mad or something.” I sighed giving him an excuse to not hate her.

“Look but that doesn’t explain why you’re so angry right now.” He said at last. He was right but I wasn’t going to tell him that. “Well?” I glared at him defiantly. “Answer me!” He roared. I backed away from him slightly trying to put some distance between us. Nick wouldn’t let that happen and backed me up into a tree. His brown eyes gazed into my green eyes.

“Lia, answer me.” He whispered huskily. My heart was beating frantically, my eyes widened in shock and my jaw went slack. The last time we were in this position, he kissed me.

“N-nn- no.” I stuttered. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want him to kiss me. My wish was apparently going to come true because his face moved closer and closer to mine. Passion burned in his eyes, our lips were millimetres apart. All I could see were his eyes.

That were shaped exactly like Ant’s.

Ant! My boyfriend! This couldn’t happen. Using every ounce of my will power and strength I shoved him away.

“No! Nick I’m not going to tell you why I’m so upset!” I screamed angrily. I spun around angrily and stormed off, he grabbed my arm and tugged me into his arms and brushed my hair away from my face.

“Princess, tell me.” He pleaded. My Nick was back. But what if he left me, no matter what he promised he could just leave me as quickly as he came. But I needed to tell someone.

“No.” He sighed in defeat.

“Fine, I’ll take you to see your dad.” I froze.

“No!”

“What? Why?” He said with a shocked expression on his face at my out burst.

“Nick I can’t. I just can’t.” He took a few steps forward and wiped away the stray tear that fell from my eye.

“Lia, Please just tell me.” He pleaded but I shook my head, more tears spilled out of my eyes. He grabbed my arm and tugged me into his arms as I cried on his shoulder.

And that’s how I spent the next few hours.

Crying in Nick’s arms as it started to rain.