Ride or Die

Memory Replacement

Thoughts ran wild inside Jiyong's mind. What should I do? I think I've really fallen deeply. What should I do? Am I being selfish? I cannot back out now. I've fallen too deep already; it will be hard to stop. I can't even imagine not seeing her, how can I stop? Thinking about their situation has preoccupied him most of the time. I think I need someone to talk to.

TOP, even though he seems silly most of the time, is actually wise. Jiyong knows he can rely on him. He'd probably know what to do. Jiyong silently hoped he's still awake, it was past midnight. One of the rare occasions Jiyong knocks at his door in this hour is when he is troubled, and he knows TOP would know why he's seeking for him. He is his hyung after all, more than a friend, blood related or not.

Jiyong knocked at his door. It took some time before he opened up.

"Oh. Come in, I have wine." By the look on his face, he already knows why Jiyong went there.

TOP led Jiyong to his living room and then he went to his kitchen. His place is similar to Jiyong, but the interior is darker. He has a lot of rare collectible toys on display, it's quite fascinating, big man like him with toys around. His place also has a lot of art pieces.

"Sit." he handed Jiyong some wine, exactly what he need.

"What should I do, hyung?" Jiyong uttered even before TOP was able to sit.

"Dara?" TOP queried knowingly.

"Yes."

"Well, this is a bit too complicated, considering she's from outside The Court...." Exactly what Jiyong thought. "But don't you think it's time to introduce some changes? We've been following these decade-old rules set down to us by people who are not even here anymore. Besides, I don't think you can stay away from her now, can you?"

"I... can't. Is this the right thing to do? Am I being selfish?"

"Do you love her?"

Does he love her? This question Jiyong asked himself several times.

"Do I love her?" Jiyong looked into nothingness. "I am happy whenever I see her. My heart stops whenever she smiles. My heart hurts when I see her sad. I feel like my day isn't complete whenever I don't see her. I love her morning look when I see her every time I fetch her for school, her slightly puffy eyes. I like her sleepy look, the way her eyes become misty. I love watching her eat. I love her voice, I could live my whole life listening only to her voice, I won't complain. I love how she purses her lips when she's playing the piano. I love her temper. I love it when she calls my whole name when she's annoyed or mad. I love her violent threats. I love it when she calls me by my name, it's the second most beautiful sound in the world. The most beautiful sound in the world is her laugh. I love her very tiny hands, I wish I could hold it as much as I want. I love her pink lips, I wish it could be mine. I love her silliness and dorkiness. I want to embrace her insecurities and make her believe that she is beautiful just the way she is. She really is beautiful. Inside and out. She's the most selfless and honest person I have ever met. All those days that I have stared at her are the days I love the most. I love her. I really do. The feeling that I'm falling in love, and the fact that she isn't mine, makes me sad. Makes me feel frustrated. If only I were a normal person. I could freely love her." Jiyong uttered lost in his own little world. A world where only Dara exists.

TOP just watched his friend with a gentle smile.

"I do." Jiyong finally uttered.

"Then don't think too much Jiyong. You can't just let this chance slip away. Grab it while it's in front of you. Don't wait for the time when she's already far away. Be carefree for once Jiyong. You've always lived your life the way how everybody else wants you to. You always live by the book. It's time you live your life. Go for it. Don't think about tomorrow for now, just embrace today."