Ride or Die

Crooked

Tonight will be like the other nights before. Empty. Lonely. Meaningless. If I could just throw away my life into oblivion I would. I would've done it years ago. But that would be cheating. I promised you that I will love you for the rest of my life and that is what I am planning to do. I know you moved on and left, but I am hoping that you are thinking of me, too, like how you occupy my mind every second of the day.

Everything I do, I do it for you.

I am staying alive for you.

I am not asking you to think of me all the time, but please remember me once in a while. Please try.

I know it is selfish of me to wish for you to come back and stay beside me once again. I know you have a reason why you left. But if I have one wish that could come true, I would wish to spend a moment with you.

I am willing to give up my life if that means I could spend a minute with you.

Never have I felt weak. Frail. Fragile. I am feeling all these together at once now that you're gone. Back when you were beside me, I felt so strong. So inspired. I would wish for those days to come back.

Your beautiful voice. Your beautiful notes. The piano keys singing under the pressure of your smooth soft fingers. The music that once surrounded this cold place is now gone.

The memories. The photographs. The warmth that once filled this cold place is now gone.

I will never feel warm ever again. Not if it is you that is holding me in your tiny tiny arms.

Sadness is overrated.

It cannot quantify the feeling I am feeling right now. Words aren't enough. There isn't a word that would do justice in describing what I am feeling right now.

Sadness that brings tears, tears that I cannot hold back, nor can I let out. Sadness that cannot be controlled. Numbing my body until I cannot feel anything else anymore. Sadness that cannot be expressed, nor ignored.

It feels like death by a thousand gun shots, for every time I remember you, it was another gun shot to my already wounded heart. And those shots were not enough to kill me, it would not kill me, so I kept on getting shot without dying.

The sadness flowed from my heart within my veins, within my very core. It poisoned me. It made me numb and unaware of all the other emotions. Sadness remained. Sadness never left. It was always winter inside me. It was always cold. It was always dark. No matter how high the sun is, I would not feel its warmth. No matter how loud the songs are playing, I would not hear it. For the only warmth I would feel is your warmth. The only song I will hear is your voice.

They say time flies, and time will heal the pain. I kept wondering: how long do I have to wait? It may take forever to forget someone like you. I would never even try.

You know it all... You know my birthday, the story of my birth. You know my eye color, my scars, my freckles, my tattoos. You know my favorite music, my favorite color, my favorite food. You know where I went at dawn... You know what I did. You know my friends. You know my bad habits, my mannerisms, my expressions and what it means. You know how my laugh sounds. You know how I hold my spoon, you know how I chew, how I walk, how I run, how I sleep... How I kiss. You know the things that annoys me, the things that makes me happy. You know how I like my coffee, or my favorite ice cream flavor. You know how I feel without me telling you. You know when to hug me just from a look on my face, or when I'm crying without shedding tears. You've seen me angry, you've seen me scared, and you've seen me happy. You know all of it without me telling you. Everything about me. From top to bottom. Inside and out. Just from listening and watching. You know my story word for word. You know my history. You know every single thing there is to know about me, and you still loved me.