Red. (Austin Mahone Fan-Fiction)

Chapter 37

/red's pov/

Fuck her. Fuck life. Fuck everyone.

She wasn't worth it. I shouldn't have gotten myself so tied up in a relationship anyways. I didn't know if we were broken up though. You may think this is stupid but I texted her for authentication.

"We're broken up btw."

She never responded though.

I think I sounded too stupid.

Oh well. We're broken up. I shouldn't care about her feelings anymore. But I still do and I have this feeling in my chest and I'm getting kinda choked up. We have a lot of memories, and I just let them drop in less than thirty seconds. I need to control my anger. I'm so idiotic.

I didn't know if I should apologize or cuss her out again. Something felt good about being aggressive. It felt good knowing that people were afraid of my exsistence. But since I started dating Jaida, she changed me. She made me care about people. She made me find funny things in situations. I love her. No I don't. Yes I do.

But I can't love her at this point.

Could I call her and tell her how I feel? How I have these mixed emotions?

Everything about life is so fuckin stupid.

/austins pov/

"And you're telling me this because...?" I asked.

Jaida wiped her tears.

"You're nice. You kinda... Sometimes... Are nice."

I smiled at her.

"I feel like it's okay to talk to you. It's like talking to Red except you smile, and you've had multiple relationships that have lasted longer than an hour."

I nodded. I liked her. But in a different way. I couldn't be in love with someone that I hurt badly. I'm surprised she actually is talking to me. Yeah, she was beautiful, but she was Red's. Even if they break up, he said she was his, and I'm pretty sure he means it.

"He hates me. And I think I might hate him too." she said, anger in her eyes.

"Shh... Don't say that. He loves you and you love him and you guys are gonna get married and have these extremely attactive kids."

"No. I'm not marrying him. I hate him."

"You sound like a four year old, Jaida."

She laughed.

"Maybe I do. But he needs to control his anger. He's starting to give me a temper."

/red's pov/

Did she really say that? She hates me. I heard it through the phone. I ruin everything I'm around. She has a temper now and it's caused by me. When I say I hate myself, I mean it. I swear. Nothing ever goes right for me. Sometimes I choose to be nice about something and things backfire on me. I'm always the dick. I'm always the one who ruins every possible situation. I beat people up and I can't control it. I made fun of people at school. I cheated on girls. I used their money. I tried to hurt a father who let me live in his home when I didn't even have a home. He probably was taking care of me. He wasn't purposely abusing me. Maybe he wanted me to be a man. He wanted me to grow up. I don't smile. Who could love a guy who does drugs, and has anger issues? Who could love a guy who doesn't smile? Who could love me?

I'm gonna die. Tonight.

There's no need for me. This town will be better without a lying, cheating, stealing, depressed, angry teenage boy with no future. I can't even have a job that makes people proud.