Heart of the Pack

Chapter 38 - Carrying on

Mia was finally coming home, she had woken up a month ago, within the last month she had undergone therapy to help to build all her muscles back up from her throat to her arms and legs. She had recovered extremely well and was almost back to how she was before the accident. It was strange when she woke up as the minute she woke she turned to look at Jake and simply said "he's gone isn't he," she knew Harry had died. 

FLASHBACK

"MIA!" I shouted, she looked at me, looked at Embry and then looked at Jake before blinking a few times, "he's gone isn't he" she whispered quietly, unable to talk normally due to the ventilator, "who Mia?" Jake replied trying not to cry, "Harry" was all she said before Jake nodded the tears falling. She attempted to reach for his hand as she cried, Jake had realized what she was trying to do and stood so he could lean over the bed so he could hug her, Embry left to inform the nurses she was awake.

Embry came back in the room quickly followed by Paul, his eyes lit up for the first time in months the moment he saw Mia, he ran to her side sweetly grabbing ahold of her hand, "I love you Mia, I'm so sorry it was all my fault I hate myself I'm so sorry" he sobbed, she turned away from Jake looking to Paul, "it wasn't your fault baby, I love you" she said.

END OF FLASHBACK

So we were currently arranging everything back at the house awaiting her return home, she had asked us not to touch Harry's room, she wanted to sort through his things herself, her own personal way of dealing with her grief and a way of saying goodbye to her son.

BACK TO MIA POV

We had just pulled into the driveway at the front of our home, it was a surreal feeling to be back home after so long, my Mom had drove us, Paul didn't trust himself to drive me anymore, he still felt guilty for what happened no matter how many times I tell him it wasn't his fault, it was that stupid assholes fault who went through the red light. Deep inside I was hurting, hurting so much because I never got to say goodbye to my baby, but I couldn't let it show, I needed to be strong, I would always hurt, it would never go away because he would always be my baby boy no matter where he was, he'd always be my son. My mom had already got out the car and was inside now, I went to open my door but realized Paul had already opened it and was stood beside it waiting for me to get out, he reached out his hand which I took as he helped me out the car. 

"Paul wait," I said wanting a moment with him before we went inside, "Paul, I love you, please don't blame yourself it wasn't your fault baby, I know we will miss him and the pain of losing him will never go away but we have each other to help us get through it, we have our memories, we have to be thankful we had the time we got with him, you never know the cancer could have come back and he would have been in so much pain, he will never be hurt again now and that's the only way I'm finding a kind of comfort in his loss is that I know he will never be in pain again, he's up there with my dad and your adoptive parents, they will be watching over us, our guardian angels. So we have to cherish the time we had with them because you never know what will be our last, Paul I love you always remember that and I don't blame you" I spoke softly looking up into his deep brown eyes which held so much anguish which did start to melt away as I spoke to him, he leant down to kiss me, it was sweet but full of love, I deepened the kiss by reaching my arms up wrapping them around his neck attempting to pull him closer. Eventually he pulled away, and just gazed into my eyes. "come on you two, we're all waiting for food" Quil shouted out the door, a small smile made its way to my face, they hadn't changed one bit.

We entered the house, it hadn't change one bit, apart from now there weren't toys everywhere, I was surprising myself with how well I was dealing with losing Harry, I don't know why but I felt a comfort as I walked into the house, the house he lived in, I felt close to him.

"Can I hold my niece Em?" I said as I sat next to her, allowing everyone to dig into the food which had been prepared, Leila wasn't actually my niece but Paul was her uncle so it just kind of made sense when Em referred to me as Aunt Mia when I first met her. She was beautiful, she looked exactly like Em but had Sam's eyes, she would defiantly be spoiled rotten and would have the pack wrapped around her little finger just like Jess and Leigh. "AUNTIE MIA!" I heard my name shouted, looking up I saw Jess and Leigh running towards me with paper in their hands, "hey girlies," I smiled at them, "we drew you picture" Leigh said as she attempted to sit next to me, eventually she was helped up by Jake seeing as I had my arms full with Leila. "you did? Let me see" I spoke to the girls, "oh wow, they're so good, you are both really good at drawing, I think you should go and tell uncle Paul that I told you to put them up of the refrigerator" I said to them both before they both ran off to their Uncle Paul, they had drawn me my the sea side waving out to sea, "you're so good with the Mia, I'm sorry if it hurts you seeing them" Jake said sympathetically sitting next to me, "Jake, yeah I miss Harry but that doesn't mean I don't want to see the kids, they bring a smile to my face, I might not get to see our little boy again but we have to carry on, you know how much I love kids so do not stop bringing them round just because you don't think I can deal with it" I said to Jake before looking down at Leila who was on the verge of falling asleep in my arms. "I'm proud of you Mills, I can see you're hurting but I know you want to carry on, I admire it so much" Jake said breaking down a little beside me, I stood up passing Leila to her daddy before asking Jake to come outside.

We sat on the swing on the porch facing one another, "I miss him so much Jake, it's so hard not seeing him or hearing him but we have to deal with it, we have to carry on with life, with the pain of losing him. He wouldn't want us being miserable, he was always a happy child who never liked people being upset, so for his sake we have to try and be happy. You have two beautiful little girls who adore you, you're the best dad to them ever Jake, they need you to be strong but I'm always here if you need to talk about it, we're both experiencing the same pain, he was our little boy. He will always be our baby boy." I said as I held his hand, "I'd like it if you helped me sort his room, I want to keep some of his stuff but I want to donate some to the hospital so that children in there can have a little bit of fun. I want to have a memorial day for him on his birthday where we let balloons and lanterns off in memory of him, my own way of saying goodbye to him since i couldn't make the funeral."

"Mills, that's a great idea, I'll help with everything, I admire you so much, no matter what you are going through you are always thinking of others, I'm thankful you're my best friend, without you here I don't think I could deal with losing him" Jake said as we hugged.