Nate Maloley Imagines

Secrets(N.M)

"Baby, where are you?" I hear Nate's voice echo from downstairs and I feel my breathing start to become unsteady as panic builds up in my body. I didn't tell him I had to leave the room because if I stayed down their much longer I'd have vomited everywhere, I just told him I'm off to the bathroom and prayed to god he wouldn't think something was up and follow. He can't know. I'm pregnant, and I've known for just over a week now but I haven't told anyone, I can't tell anyone through fear of it getting back to Nate and I know for a fact he can never know, it'll ruin his whole life. We've only just started living together and already I'm having a baby, no way would he be okay with that but no one in their right mind would be able to take on that level of commitment this early, surely. And so every time I've felt sick, I've made some excuse to leave the room and every time I've had some weird ass craving I've saved it for when he's not in. And I tried so damn hard to make sure he never found that fucking pregnancy test that made my whole world fall apart around me. It's not that I don't want the baby, of course I do, it's just I know in order to go through with this pregnancy, I have to let Nate go before it's too late; it's only fair, I can't ruin his life with this.
"Coming." I call down, my tone upbeat as I look in the mirror, washing my face and hands and trying to make myself look as though I didn't just throw up, something that's surprisingly hard to do when I'm pale and have little sleep from worry as it is. Eventually, I decide to not keep him waiting any longer and leave the room, trying my best to appear as composed as possible almost like a mask, something I feel has been happening way too often these days. Nate smiles at me softly as I enter the room but there's sadness in his eyes and pain shoots right through my heart because he knows something's up and this is fucking killing me.
When I first sit down, the room is silent. We watch the TV in silence and his arm is around me but I know there's words on the tip of his tongue and honestly, I wish he'd just say it because right now it feels like the best opportunity for me to end his misery before it even starts. I'm already starting to make him feel shit, I might as well get out before the baby makes it even worse. "Y/N, is something going on? With you, I mean." Fuck, that's not what I was wanting him today. I thought he was going to tell me that he thinks this isn't working out and I feel so guilty about hoping for that because I love him, really I do but I love him too much to watch him get caught up in this shit as young as he is. "You keep running to the bathroom every second you get, you barely even kiss me anymore and I can barely remember the last time we had sex, did I do something wrong? Please tell me, I'm sorry if I did something."
"You didn't do anything, Nate." I speak but my tone is defeated and he knows there's a 'but' coming. I wish I could just leave it at that but I can't and it's taking everything in me not to cry right now but I have to stay strong. "I just – I don't think this is working out, I-" I cut my own sentence off, flinching at how abruptly I just said that and I want to shove the words back into my mouth because I want him and I'm fucking happy with him. But it's for the best and I have to keep reminding myself that. "I'm sorry I've been distant and I should've said something before but I didn't want to hurt you and I'm so sorry." I can feel tears forming in my eyes as I ramble because this is killing me just as much as it must be hurting him.
"Why? We can make this work, baby. Just tell me what it is and I'll change it." Nate rushes, panic clear on his face as he grabs my hand closest to him and I still feel sparks when he touches me, this is the worst thing I've ever done. "I love you. We can work past anything. Y/N, please."
"I think I should go." I whisper as soon as he's finished talking because the deep silence is already haunting and I can see tears glistening in his eyes as I look up at him. He looks so fucking confused and I want to take it all back but before I know it, I'm standing up and he grips my hand tightly, refusing to let me go at first but he looks too heartbroken to actually have the energy to hold on. "I'm sorry, I'll, uh, I'll get someone to come get my stuff." No reply. Just a quick nod of the head and he's not even looking I my direction as I leave without another word.
*FOUR YEARS LATER*
Back in LA. It feels like a million years since I was last here but it was time to come back, I need to catch up with all my old friends and honestly, my baby and I need a holiday. It's been four years and even the airport still feels so familiar, I think as I hold Aria's hand and lead her towards baggage claim. She's excited by this holiday, as any 3-year-old would be. She thinks she's about to meet a bunch of celebrities and I'm surprised at her age that she even knows what celebrities are but I guess that's what TV tells kids about these days. I think moving back home to have her was the best decision I've ever made, having a child grow up in LA doesn't exactly seem like the most ideal life and I certainly would rather her grew up in a quiet neighbourhood.
As for Nate, I haven't spoken to him since that day I left. He called me every single day without fail for months afterwards and I was so close to picking up so many times until he just stopped and I never heard from him since. I suppose that's a good thing, I suppose it allowed me to move on because if I'd have known he was still caught up on me, I would've never stopped feeling guilty about walking out that day. Aria looks like him, she looks so much like him it's crazy and maybe sometimes I miss him, I miss him so much but it got easier with time and nowadays that relationship feels like a distant memory – a distant memory that brought about Aria, the centre of my entire life.
The first place I want to go now we're in LA is to my favourite coffee place just around the corner from the first apartment I had when I lived here. Part of me wants to go there for the coffee but mainly, I just hope to see a familiar face. It's not like I lost contact with all of my friends, I still speak to so many people, I just never get to see them and I feel like even seeing someone I recognise right now could help calm this unsettling feeling in my stomach that coming back here might not have been the best idea, not with all these memories. But I'll get over it, it's just homesickness and as long as my baby is having a good time, I am too.
A feeling of comfort takes over me as soon as I enter the coffee shop, this place has barely changed and I pick Aria up as I enter and read the menu, sitting her on my hip so I can allow more room around me for people because my luggage already takes up enough space. The person in front of me is taking forever to pick up their damn drinks and I'm about to politely ask them to hurry up before I see they're on the phone and once I've noticed that I catch a slight hint of their voice; that alone makes my blood run cold. I have to get out of here. That's all I can think as I try my best to organise my stuff in order to back out but before I know it, I hear him hanging up the phone with a quick 'love you too' that hurts my heart way more than it should and then it's too late because he's turned around and then I'm face to face with the guy who used to be the love of my life, the guy I walked out on without a single explanation four years ago.
"Y/N?" Nate practically shouts in shock as he sees me and I try my best to not appear as though I want to run away but that confusion from when I left is plastered on his face again as his eyes flit from my face Aria's and holy shit, I don't want to be here. He must have so many questions but I'm not prepared to answer them, how the fuck am I supposed to answer him. "I can't believe you're here, I mean, I never thought I'd see you again. It's been so fucking long, I-" He puts his hand over his mouth once he realises he swore in front of a child, apologising quickly but I just shrug it off, all this rushed talking is just his way of building up on asking the question that is definitely on his mind.
"Hey, yeah, long time no see." I chuckle awkwardly, trying my best to avoid eye contact as I act as though I'm focusing on the menu even though I know exactly what I want. "Look, I'd like to talk but I gotta hurry, I'm supposed to be meeting someone soon and I need to have a drink first." I mutter, trying my best to find an excuse to stop talking to him and I know that's bad but I don't want to see his face when he finds out he's had a child for three fucking years that I hadn't bothered to tell him about.
"You can have my drink, it's your favourite." Nate rushes, pulling me out of the line and motioning for me to sit on a nearby table with him. I reluctantly do so, letting Aria climb onto a seat beside me and I try to hide the fact that he still knows my drink order makes me so happy. "You got a kid?" The first thing he says once we sit down, his eyebrows raised and I nod a little sheepishly, trying my best not to speak too much in case I say the wrong damn thing. "Crazy shit. I'm engaged." Nate smiles and I feel my heart stop at his words. Why the fuck do I feel like shit? I'm the one who walked out on him, I can't expect him to just mope over me the rest of his life.
"That's great, honestly." I smile, and it's genuine because he deserves good, really he does. "I'm happy for you." And the happiness in Nate's eyes when he speaks is enough to make me want to break down in tears because that could've been me. Of course it could've been me. There I was, thinking he wouldn't be ready to commit and now he's fucking engaged. But it's in the past now, and I've got to get over it. I can get over it. "When's the wedding?"
"Next month." Wow, that's pretty soon. I nod with a smile as Nate slides his drink over to me, I decline politely though because I'm sure if I take a drink now, I'll start to feel sick. "I've never been more scared in my life but fuck, it's the best feeling." He grins and I smile a little more genuinely because honestly, I haven't seen him look happy like that for a long time and I want that for him, I really do. "What's her name?" He asks, looking at Aria and he looks so fond of her just from this brief meeting, a small smile playing on the edges of his lips as he watches her play mindlessly with the little packets of sugar on the table.
"Aria." I tell him and he drags his attention away from her to look at me. His eyes are judging me as he tries to figure me out and I know what he wants to ask. He wants to know how old she is and when I tell him, he'll know it's his. This meeting couldn't possibly get any worse. "As you can tell, she's really excited about being here." I laugh a little as I glance to the side and she's now resting her head on the table, obviously tired from the journey here.
"She's cute." Nate smiles fondly but he's tapping his fingers on the table in that way he always does when he's nervous and he licks his lips briefly as though plucking up the courage to ask the question that's on the tip of his tongue. "How old is she?"
"Three." All Nate does in response is nod his head, panic clear in his eyes but he's trying to stay calm. Obviously he can't quite find the words to say what he's thinking with the way he's opening his mouth but closing it once nothing but air escapes. So instead we sit there in silence for a little while and I want to get up and leave but I can't just run away, not this time. "I'm sorry."
"Why didn't you tell me?" That's all he says, he doesn't need to ask and confirm it. We both know Aria is his, you can tell just from looking at her. "You had so long to tell me, Y/N. You should've come back as soon as you knew, why didn't you come back?" He's not angry though, I can tell he's just upset. But then when he sees the look on my face, it clicks in his head and he rubs his face with his hands in disbelief. "You knew before you left, didn't you?"
"Yeah but Nate, I didn't want to ruin things for you. I didn't think you'd be ready for it, I-" I'm cut off by Nate and maybe he's a little more annoyed right now but if anything he just looks like he's about to be sick. Understandable.
"Didn't you think about how that was my choice to make, not yours?" He asks harshly but his eyes are still soft and I know he won't hate me, he's never been one to hate anyone. "Look, I-I've gotta get back home to Lucy, this is too much right now. I'm sorry."
"Nate, don't be like that!" I start as he stands up and he sighs as he turns to me, still not picking up his drink and I can't believe he actually meant for me to keep that.
"No, you don't get to ask me to stay and listen to this, not after you walked out on me. I'm happy with my fiancé, I'm happy with my life right now and I'm not saying I don't want to be a part of her life because I do, of course I do, but I can't deal with all of this right now." Nate explains and he's 100% right, I can't just drop this on him and expect him to just accept it all with an open mind, that's stupid of me to even think that. "We're gonna sort it out just not right now, I need to process it. I gotta go." All I can do is nod with a quick apology which accepts so hurriedly I'm not sure it's completely genuine but he says goodbye to Aria and I before leaving. Maybe coming to LA wasn't actually the best idea after all.

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A/N
Thanks for looking at my imagines book💞 I will try posting more this weekend.
~A