Dear Samantha,
Tomorrow will be a year since you died. It's still so surreal to even use your name and death within the same sentence. I can't believe you're no longer breathing, or singing or laughing so loud that cabin seven could hear. I love you. I miss you . You were such an amazing soul . Always writing amazing songs , making funny jokes . being there for everyone else when they needed you . You were like family . You left an everlasting imprint on me. You're the kinda person that would make a whole room bust out in laughter and always knew the perfect words to say to make anyone forget about their issues . I'm glad you came into my life . I could never thank you enough for everything you did for me .
I wish we would have gotten closer than we were. I regret it. I spent one week a year for 4 years with you and I wish I would've spoken to you sooner. I used to admire you from afar. Silently sitting at a table alone watching your bold confidence and humorous jokes with a group of people surrounding you laughing and smiling like there's no tomorrow. How people always would gravitate towards you. I was honestly intimidated by the true confidence and originality you emitted.
The last year at camp I truly did get to spend the entire week with you as you were my Adult staff in my family group and cabin. I remember playing pterodactyl and after a good five minute round you looked at me and said "My mouth hasn't hurt this much since I had that fight with the vacuum." You instantly busted out laughing and saying you were kidding. I admired your genuine laugh and started dying at your joke. Honestly, it was the little things you did that effected others. From singing the moose song, cracking jokes, singing your nerdiest songs like "bitches love ukuleles", refusing the touch of yarn, the funny faces, the glowing smiles. Everything.
You taught me so many beautiful life lessons. You taught me that everyone is capable of love, that it's okay to embarrass yourself every once in a while, it's okay to put yourself first, sing and sing loud, dance like nobody's watching even when everyone is. You taught me how to be me. And I wish you wouldn't have done what you did because I will never be able to truly thank you for the way you changed my life. But dammit Sam do I love you and I hope the stars are treating you well.
Sincerely,
ash.
YOU ARE READING
A book of thoughts.
Non-FictionI started this as a way to release all of my emotions, but feel free.
