A book of thoughts.

sixteen

           I am a lot farther than most people my age, I have a job, I'm driving, going to school, and playing sports. I had to mature at such a young age that I can't imagine not being where I am right now. But, sometimes I feel like my parents forget that I am sixteen and they forget how sensitive I am. 

          My dad yelled at me about a couple things yesterday, like one thing right after another and he doesn't think about the things he's saying he can just get mean when he's upset. He ended by saying "You're killing me kid" and all I could think of was "of course, when am I not." I feel like all I do is disappoint him. I rarely ever get an "I'm proud of you" or "good job" or anything like that, it's always negative. 

           I am not the type of person to start crying in front of you if you make me upset, I will sit there, take it and then cry on my own time. You will just break me down, and break me down until that's it, there's nothing left.  I'm not like my sister, I can't just play the system and start crying because I know it'll make you stop. I will look at you dead in your eyes, looking at every ounce of disappointment and feel it burn my heart, I will listen to everything you have to say and I will deal with the broken pieces of my self esteem and confidence in private. But I'm so fucking sensitive and if anyone is to know that it would be my father. I know I can't blame everything on my past, but God has it just ruined me in that aspect.