It has come up in conversation lately about me being a sensitive person. I already know that I'm definitely more on the sensitive side, that's no surprise. With it being brought up I realized why I am that way.
It all dates back to quite a few years ago. Growing up I constantly fell victim to my stepfather. I was a prime target for jokes and ridicule. That's why I'm so sensitive. When almost everyday for 12 or so years there are constant remarks made on the way you look, walk, talk. Being yelled at for sitting in a certain place, looking at something for too long, or for no reason at all. Having things thrown at you just because, being criticized for every little thing you do. That stuff sticks with a person you know? It effects you in the long run. I can't smell certain things, hear certain words, see certain things without seeing his face and hearing his laugh. It doesn't go away.
Everything was a joke to him. He particularly loved making jokes on my physical appearance, mostly my face. Now I wear full faces of makeup, I hide everything imperfect that way nobody can comment on my flaws. I'm extra cautious now because of what has happened to me. I can't even be yelled at without automatically crying.
The little things bother me. I'm a very irritable person. My temper is horrible, the littlest things happen and I lose my cool. I'm not justifying my actions when I get like that, but it just dawned on me that I wouldn't be like this if that stuff hasn't happened to me.
I don't know what to do.
YOU ARE READING
A book of thoughts.
No FicciónI started this as a way to release all of my emotions, but feel free.
