Unexpected

Chapter 81.

It's seven o'clock in the morning. I can't sleep with this weight on my chest. I need to speak to Sophia right now.

I get up and take a quick shower. I grab a grey sweater, skinny jeans and a smooth pink beanie with a warm grey coat.

Sophia said she was meeting me at Raoul's, she was still half asleep but I believe she won't miss a chat talk during breakfast time.

Albert's POV.

"Well look who's already awake," Sophia says filling a mug of coffee next to the counter when I walk into the kitchen.

"Yeah, yeah." I roll my eyes at her and walk straight to the coffee machine.

"Did you sleep well?" Sophia smirks as she lifts the mug to her lips.

I raise her my middle finger and roll my eyes.

"What? I'm just trying to be friendly with you!" She laughs lifting her arms in the air.

"Then don't." I hardly slept and my fucking nightmares are back.

I fill a bowl full of cereals and toss myself to the couch.

"Good Morning!" My mum's voice appears coming from the hall and she hugs Sophia with a familiar smile.

Enough of this shit. I stand up and walk to my room.

I call Emily two times but she doesn't pick up to any of my calls. She's probably still asleep.

It's December, only two weeks away from Christmas and I haven't bought her anything yet.

During all these years I used to seat alone on my room with some shitty meal while my mum spent all the days working. I remember of all the anger I kept from her leaving me alone as a child. Christmas was literally hell to me. All my friends had their parents and family reunited and I was always so fucking alone.

I used to wonder how it was to have a loving family. How your parents would ask how your day was or even those typical shitty questions like 'Have you done your homework yet?' or 'Where do you think you're going at this time of the evening?'. I've never heard those questions and I wish I would have occasionally. I know they're fucking boring and annoying but at least it's a proof that someone gives a shit about you.

As a teenager I realised that I could actually hurt people like avoiding my mum when she returned from work. I've never told her a simple 'I love you' or asked her how she was. I just seat there and avoided everyone so they could feel frustrated and miserable like I did.

My dad's missing destroyed my fucking life. I was a happy child and when he "died" I was nothing but lonely. It sucks when there's nothing inside of you other than empty. But then after ten shitty years, Emily came into my life and proved me that life doesn't have to feel so sad and overwhelming; sometimes you fall your ass off and it kicks the shit out of you while is slowly taking pieces from your damned soul. You want to get the fuck up and be happy, but it's so much more than not being happy. You can't bring yourself to be happy. You look at things that you want to really love and enjoy but you can't find it on them anymore. It's just so damn hard to make yourself proud and the hardest person to love is yourself. Sometimes you can't eat, you can't sleep, and sometimes you can't even get the fuck up. The world is still moving and it wants to make you move along but you can't because you're the downer. You look at the other people around you just simply being happy, being themselves and it frustrates you so damn hard because you can't find yourself let alone be you. Your body is just there, siting down. That's why you hate yourself and you decide to don't give a shit anymore. It's worthless to even try when something inside of you is forcing to stay down. It's hard to have people around you and still you can't feel more alone.