The closest someone has come to showing affection was when my dad hugged me in the hospital bed. The same father who called me a failure, a disappointment, telling me I have no talent, taunting me, and asking why am I even alive if I have no talent to show.
Telling me how, he would actually love me,
IF I was smart,
IF I could play sports,
IF I could be skinnier,
IF I stopped talking to my friends,
IF....
All these if's but not 'I will love you for you.'
I needed one 'I love you' from him,
But its a phrase I know I will never get from a monster.
I didn't cry,
I smiled, nodded my head,
And looked out the window,
My vision hazy from the tears threatening to spill,
Yet....
I kept my cool and acted fine,
Like I do every time.
Affection is the act of showing people kindness,
Compassion,
Love,
But that's just my opinion.
I never received any of the above,
So to me, a parent's affection,
Is the smack of a belt,
The sting of a slap,
The pain of my heart breaking,
Along with my bones.
Throwing up,
Till I collapse,
Because I'll never be skinny enough.
Scratching my wrists till they bleed.
To me, that's what affection was.
YOU ARE READING
Drowning In Sorrow- Poetry
Poetry*Trigger Warning* Suicide, cutting, depression, abuse, self harm, death etc. ~I didn't know happiness as well as I know sorrow ❤️ Stay strong ❤️
