Drowning In Sorrow- Poetry

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I love you, you know that right?
I may not have showed it well,
Or even said it to you often,
But I do.

I know I'm just a teenager but I've gone through so much,
I've dealt with more heartache, heartbreak, love, and pain than a woman who reached her hundredth birthday.

And I'm sorry for leaving so soon,
And giving up I just couldn't take it anymore.
And I know you will cry,
And I know you will deal with heartache,
And you will hate me at some point for doing this,
But I'm sorry for being selfish,
And I'm sorry for taking the easy way out,
Everybody needs a break,
Mine is just gonna last forever.

Maybe you will get over me and maybe you will always cry every night because you lost me.
But remember I love you,
And that might get you through the day.

Its hard leaving you,
And its hard imagining what's going to happen after but please move on,
Yes, I'm your kid but I just want you to be happy,
And maybe dying won't make you happy,
But just smile you'll get through it someday,

Its not your fault,
Don't ever blame yourself,
Because I know you will,
You always blame yourself for everything.
I just couldn't take it anymore.

Just remember I love you, and look outside at the sun rising,
And the moon fading into the horizon,
And smile,
Because that's me right there.

I'm probably gonna regret,
I kind of already am,
Maybe you'll even wake up to find me,
Under the blankets keeping warm,
And away from the light.

And this isn't long enough,
And it will never explain why I'm doing this,
Jut know that I'm being reasonable on some degree.
I never believed it when people told me I'm beautiful,
Because I always ignore the positivity around me,
And always look for the negativity,
And maybe that's what's wrong with me.

I never seemed to be happy,
But I guess its because I never tried,
I faked a smile but never seemed to try making it real,
I'm sorry,
Im sorry for everything,
I have a habit of saying sorry,
Because I always blame me,
Maybe that's what's wrong with me,
But its too late now.

I love you Mom,
You're my everything,
I've been hurt,
And once or twice it was by you,
But I love you ❤