Trixy Smiles__(JLS)

Chapter 12- Anything For You

I woke up to yelling and crashing noises. Sounded like it was coming from downstairs. I sat up, wincing.

Take it slow. I healed you as best I could... I'm sorry for not coming through faster... You been out almost two days... Trixy sounded sad.

I pulled myself from my bed. I walked to my full body mirror. I glared. My mouth had deep scars on both corners. I had a circular scar in the middle of my throat. I lifted J's now cut and bloodied vest and saw a scar that went between my breasts and just under my belly button. I felt... Angry...

That mother fucker stabbed me and shot me. My face would never be the same. I saw 'beautiful' tattooed on my jaw and a little heart at both corners of my eyes. I didn't deserve him... J drew on me to show his love for me. His way of calling me His. My heart hurt at the memory... I then punched the mirror as hard as I could, slamming it into the wall in front of my bathroom  and shattered the glass around me. I turned and fell to my knees, pulling at the hair above my ears.

I began to sob. I felt disgusting and ugly. Harley was ticking flawless... I looked beyond terrible. It was Dave's fault... that nasty fuck. He made me do it. I was glad that J blew him away in my kitchen. I would've done it myself if Trixy would've been in control.

I heard footsteps running towards my door. I heard heavy breathing. I knew it was him. " You're awake." Said Joker. I didn't look up. I continued to cry. I then began laughing it turned into a fit of cackles before I put my smiled hand over my face. It tilted my head from side to side. I finally looked up at him. His face hardened face looked between amused at hurt. He looked exactly how I felt...

" I'm not beautiful anymore..." I grinned madly, hot tears pouring down my cheeks.I looked down.  I heard him walk quickly to me. He fell to his knees in front of me. He pulled my hands into his chest. His eyes looked puffy and blood shot. I frowned at him. Joker... Cried for me?

" You're perfect..." He purred. " You have a permanent smile on your face, and it fits you." He pulled me tight into his chest before I could argue. I held him back. I dug my head into his chest. I inhaled his cologne and smelled it mixed with gunpowder. He rested his chin on the top of my head. He said softly, " I... Kinda killed a few of my goons in your house. I was a bit... Angry..." He paused pulling away from me. He cupped my cheeck, looking straight at me. He looked severely conflicted. He let out a shaky breath before speaking. " I thought you died..." Him saying that made his brows furrow immediately and a look of rage was on his face. He sta red into my eyes, searching for something. I rubbed his arms, trying to sooth him. It didn't work, of course.

He pulled away quickly. He stood up and walked away from me. He left my room, leaving the door open. He didn't say a word. Alone, I blinked. What happened there? I shook my head, trying not to think too hard into it. I stood up and went to pull my slippers from under my bed. I decided I'd take to trying to cover my scars. Doing something constructive or prodictive some would call it.

The glass crunched under my feet while I went into my bathroom, make-up bag in hand. I closed the door behind me. I started playing some random playlist from my phone. While I hummed the words, I blended two foundations together to get my skin tone. A few hours later, I found myself looking exactly as I did before Dave decided to fuck me off. I then turned up the volume on my phone and began singing along to Kids With Guns by Gorillaz.

After the last chorous, I pulled my hair into a messy bun. I didn't feel like brushing it. I turned and found my door open slightly. Someone had looked in on me. My cheeks heated as I went back towards my bed. The mirror had been cleaned up and disposed of, I guess. It wasn't in my room anymore. I tossed my make-up bag onto the foot of my bed. I was in a foul mood. Why did Joker leave after he admitted he thought I died? Maybe because me dying to him was horrible? I mean, I did love him... Maybe he really did love me? But of he did, why did he just walk away? Maybe he's just being normal... I mean be was completely  insane...  I sighed out loud. I turned my head, eyeing my bong. I pulled it to me as I cleared the bowl that was left in it. I cradled it to my chest,  petting it gently, as if it was a pet. At least weed didn't make me over think petty bullshit...

As I smoked and played music, I heard a knock at my door. I didn't feel like being bothered, so I didn't answer it. I hope whoever is on the other side gets the hint. I sighed, putting my bowl down. I decided to get out of my bloody clothes. I was completely naked when my door swung open out of no where. I screamed, turning. Joker strode in.

" Clem, I'm just go-- Oh, shit. I'm sorry!" He said akwardly before backing up and closing the door. I put my hand on my chest, trying to calm my heart. I sighed before pulling on a pair of jeans and a Dr.Pepper Tshirt. I turned and opened my door. Joker was sitting against the door and immediatly stood up to face me. I kept my face blank. I may have been slightly high, but I was still upset.

" I wanted to apologize for leaving you. I..." he paused as if searching for the rights words to say, "You're just making me feel a certain way that I haven't in felt years." He elaborated, putting a hand through his hair restlessly. I nodded, trying not to be mad. Of course he was conflicted... I guess with good reason. He wasn't used to giving or receiving genuine affection. I blinked a few times before nodding, understanding.

" So... You think you're well enough to come out with me? Just for a little drive." Joker arched a brow at me. I nodded, that might cheer me up.

He held hand out to.me. o took it quickly. He held my hand as we walked downstairs. Some of Mr.Falcone's goons were cleaning up some of the blood and bodies in my home. I smiled as we walked out my front door. In his Lambo, we drove toward upper  Gotham. Near Crime Alley to be more exact.

" You're make-up skills are impressive...  You can't even see the scars." he stated without taking his eyes off the road. I nodded. Obviously that's not all he meant by it. I knew he liked the scars ony face. Maybe it was just something to say to put me at ease. It only made me over think harder. Damn the feels I had for him.

Stop, you like it. Said Trixy.

Shut up you. I grumbled at her.

" So... Last night went well, so I think we should celebrate." Be spoke up after a few moments of silence. I looked ahead, listening intently to him. "I own a club near here... Care to share a few drinks with me?" he asked, slipping his hand into mine. I grinned. I felt like getting drunk. Today was a drunk getting kinda day. He gave me a tight squeeze before letting go.

" I'd love that..." I giggled. Yeah... I began to realize that more I was with Joker, the more I was becoming more like Trixy... More crazy, I suppose is a better term... But I starting to like it; no i loved it.

He paused, giving me a brow arch.  I knew that face. " ... But you need to do something for me first." He smiled pleasently at me. Dammit.

" Whatcha want, J?" I asked honestly. I tried reading him. With J, his favors went 0-100 like a light switch. I hope he wasn't gonna flip again. I was just getting out of my foul mood.

" Please, go and wipe that shit off off your face when we get there." He paused. I turned my head shapely to glare at him. It took hours to get the right foundation and contoured coloring. He turned his head to look right into my eyes, looking right through me. He continued when I neither protested nor agreed, " My queen is perfect without hiding behind a mask..." he breathed heavily as his eyes got serious, " Now be the CJ I love and own that shit." He comanded, reffering to my scars.

I felt my heart skip a beat. He really did care. And though I hated my.new flaws, he loved them... Jesus, I was acting just like Harley. She replicated him fully. Her flaw was not being as insane as him. She used a vat of chemicals to fix her insecurities. I was using make up. He was right. My heart throbbed at my realization. I'm Trixy fuckin' Smiles. I gave myself the scars just to make the dude drop his knife. To grin with is obvious fear. I nodded, a smile reaching my mouth.

" Anything for you." I said. I leaned toward him, kissing his cheek. He held me with one hand while his other hand steered. His iconic grin right back on his face.

To this, I grinned back.

" ... Good." He breathed out raspy. He held me tighter as he tapped the gas and we sped through a busy Gotham  intersection.