Trixy Smiles__(JLS)

Chapter 15- Getting Over It

Please excuse the spelling errors
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  I sighed aloud.

Joker had taken me to his home after the incident. Its been a whole 4 weeks and it still weighed heavily on my mind. Jay didn't leave my side. He was constantly working hard on stalking Penguin, though. He just wanted to gut him and bleed him dry. With good reason. I did too.

At first, he looked as bad as I felt. But me being near made him calm almost instantly. It made me happy knowing I had this kinda power over him. I smiled. He layed in front of me,  finally asleep. His still body held me as he breathed heavily. I cupped his cheek softly as I sighed again. I couldn't sleep. I was wide awake with my thoughts. Trixy and I had barely spoken since GCPD, but it's okay. It was still raw.  I was barely getting over it. I looked back at Joker, studying his features.

He tried staying up with me every night,  but he was more content with having me in his arms as he slept. Honestly, so was I. It was where I felt safest. If anything was to happen, he was a light sleeper. So the odds were in my favor. I thought for a moment, having to say out loud what was stuck in my brain. I felt like it was still eating at me.

I said, knowing he wouldn't hear me, " Its my fault. I should've just ran, but I went straight to the door. I mean... I did kill them all... But even when they got to me... When they pinned me down and started tearing at my clothes. I didn't realize it until it was too late..." I let the tears fall. I could've sworn I could feel Joker's arms tighten, but I ignored it and continued.

" I screamed your name... And you weren't there. They laughed like it was funny. No matter how loud or how long, you couldn't hear me. But it's not your fault. I wish I would've run... But it's not in me to back down. I... I didn't think about my life or how Croc would take my death. Nothing like that. I thought of you. How you'd be alone. How Penguin would kill you after because you'd be distraught. Of how much pain you'd go through because of my death." I paused. He stirred slightly, only to hold me closer, then sigh deeply.

" I love you so much, Joker. So much... You're what made me fight. You made me strong at my most vulnerable. I could've died... But I didn't. I fought until Croc came and distracted them. I killed them because I wasn't ready to let you go. I've never cared for someone as much as I care for you. I don't think I ever will. But as long as I'm here next to you, I'll always be safe..." I chuckled lightly.

" I don't even know your real name!" I breathed out. I turned my head. "I love you. My heart is yours. That'll never change. Never. I'll never leave you. I'll never let go, no matter what. Its me and you..." I concluded.

A few moments went by and I was about to let my thoughts take over. Out of no where I heard him stir and say, " Jack..."

I gasped, looking at him. His eyes were wide open and staring straight back into mine. " My real name is Jack." He elaborated softly.

I blinked as he let me go. He and I sat up. He put an arm around me and held me again. " How much of that did you hear?" I was scared of the answer. I didn't want him to ever think negative towards me. Weird how we already said our love to each other but I cared what he thought about me. I cared greatly.

" Oh," He sighed. He turned his head to look at me, " Just everything..." He said. I stiffened. He rubbed my arms and I slowly relaxed.

" Clem... I need you to know something." He began. " What happened to you was not your fault. If I hadn't asked you to dance at his club, this never would've happened. Those fuckin'  bastards... You had to kill them. They deserved to die for what they'd done to you. I wish. Would've been there for you, when you needed me most. For that, I can never forgive myself..." He paused. He sighed, running his hand through his hair. His face obviously read pain on it. Ibateth. The. Lakes himself. He tugged on his hair again.

" I'm glad you didn't back down. You're one tough bitch for charging head on into uncertainty. I'm proud of you for killing them. I'm proud to call you mine. Honestly, your death would've destroyed me. I... I didn't know you felt like that towards me. I knew our love was real, but I thought you could do better than me. Now I know that we both need each other. To live. To love. To survive... That at least we're on the same page. That no matter what it'll be us against them." He paused again. He kissed my forehead. I smiled and began to cry softly. Not out of sadness, but happiness. He really understood me. And I understood him. He went on and pulled my hands into his chest, like he did when I first got a 'smile on my face'.

" I've never loved someone before. But, I  want to. These strange feeling I get whenever you''re near tells me that it's real. I mean it when I say I love you, Clementine. I really do... I never thought someone could love me, let alone would. I'm happy that you do. You make me feel like no one ever has before." He paused, choosing his next words carefully, " My name is Jack. My heart is yours. No one else's. You're everything I could ever want or ever need. You're just so beautiful and perfect to me." Tears fell from his eyes as he cupped my cheek. I touched his hand and held it there.

" I could never leave you," He went on, " You and I know what it's like to be forced to make it in this world. That's it's not such a cheerful place... That it's all a big joke." He paused again. " With you by my side, It makes this world a lot more livable." He paused again. He thought for a moment before speaking up.

" Clementine I have a very important question to ask you," He let me go and turned. He dug though his nightstand. He quickly turned to face me, something in his hand.

" Clementine, I never thought I'd be doing this. Especially after all that's happened to me... But, I need to know right now," He opened he box to reveal a beautiful ring. It was an Ethiopian Opal with a circle of diamonds around it. The ring was white-gold with swirls all around it. It wasn't an engagement ring. It was a Promise ring. I gasped in complete and utter shock as he went on. " Will you be mine... Forever? Be my true queen?"

I blinked and nodded.

" Yes! Yes, I'm yours, Jack." I said as we pulled each other into a tight hug. I sobbed softly.  I never thought I'd do this. With anyone.  Never thought someone would ever consider me to be worthy enough to be theirs in general. And here was Jay... The man for me all along. He pulled back and we kissed deeply. He pulled back and put the ring on my finger. I stared at it.

It felt foreign upon my fourth finger. I leaned in and noticed something on the side. It read 'His Queen' on it. I blushed. He sure was smooth. I giggled and said aloud, " I can't believe you got me a ring."

He giggled, " Me neither." We both chuckled. I turned d saw the clock. It read 4:23 A.M. It was pretty early. I blinked, reality setting in. Jay and I were now getting promised. That meant something to me. More than anything.

I stared at Jack. " So, you know I'm still gonna call you J and Joker, right?" He busted up in such a fit of laughter, he was holding his side. After a few long moments, the laughter subsided.

" I honestly wouldn't have it any other way, Clem. You just can't tell anyone my real name." He said, his grin on his face.

I nodded, turning to lay on my side and getting comfortable, " I''ll probably forget it anyways," I said. He couldn't read me if I didn't face him.

"Really?" He asked, instantly curious.

" Fuck no. Its stuck with me. Don't worry, though. I won't say anything." I giggled.

He chuckled and I felt him lay behind me. He pulled me into his chest and put his chin into the crook of my neck. Be sighed deeply and I yawned. " I love you, Clem. You really are the light in my dark." He admitted to me.

" I love you too, Jack." I whispered. " You're the same to me." I admitted. He hugged me to him and we both were soon met with the blissful darkness of sleep.