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XX

Today's they day. It scared the literal hell out of me, but here was are.
Vampires, shifters and wizards alike were all crowded in my living room as I walked out with a dozen and a half shot glasses, filled with an unattractive brown liquid. I had tasted it a little, just to make sure I had everything right. I've never tasted something so ghastly in my life. Even the polyjuice potions we'd endured so many a time haven't come close to this. It was absolutely atrocious.
"Ew," Jacob groaned at the sight of the ugly refreshments and I nodded, glad I didn't have to taste that hellish potions hopefully every again.
"It's not pumpkin juice, but it'll help you live." I assured the ground as I passed out the shots to the crowded living room. "Bottoms up, kids."
Even the vampires took it hard. They've fed on blood for years and they acted like this was dirt. I've never been so grateful in my life to not have to take a potion in my life, and Snape made us try some crazy things.
I mean I'm not gunna lie. It wasn't exactly sunshine and rainbows, but it kept them alive. That's what matters. In this world, you have to do everything you can to stay on top. Whether it's easy to swallow or not.
"It'll keep you alive," I repeated again. I was so scared for these people. Hell I was scared to leave my house.
"Now," I spoke as the dirtied shot glasses were replaced on my table, I forced myself to be a little funny, maybe just to have ghost of smiles cover their faces. "Get out of my house. Save the town."
They all, spelt but surely, as anxious as I was, left the house. Hermione and the other two stayed after. I think they were worried about me. They knew how much it hurt me. How so much death would affect me. I tried to kill myself last time. The immense feeling of sadness was so much and I couldn't handle it so I tried to kill myself.
Hermione followed me into my room, where I began to prep and pack a duffel bag. I had filled it with my ingredients, matches, a cloak, some crystals and a book or two on the act of stopping souls from crossing over.
"Mere," she spoke, trying to get me to stop, and I wasn't phased. I wouldn't face her. I couldn't let her see me like this
Tears collected in my eyes as the fear began to fill the pits of my stomach. I knew how fast this could go sideways and I sure as hell wasn't ready to die today.
"Meredith." Hermione sets her hand on my shoulder. I jumped a little at the sudden contact, the energy from her touch rocking my whole body.
"I'm sorry," she apologized for scaring me. My body began to shake as she turned me around.
"I'm scared, Mione." I spoke. "I can't lose anyone again. I can't handle it."
I could barely form words, grief and fear striking me so deep that I felt like my chest would cave in the wind.
A son wracked my chest as the first of the tears spilled, my body falling into Hermione's open arms.
Fear. Anxiety. Nausea. These were things that I felt whenever someone died. I walked the line of life and death every day. This is what I do. I've been damned to this eternal hell of reincarnation, feeling the angst and pain of death. But what keeps me going is the purity of birth.
I fought next to Newt Scamander in 1926. My name was Clarissa Davis then. I was born to a New York banker. I remember them all. I get the memories unlocked and it's just... I've been coming back for thousands of years. I remember the days of Cleopatra and Tutankhamen. The days of Queen Elizabeth I and King Philip were no more than yesterday. I get lost in time and there's nothing I can do. I'm in a cycle of suffering and the only thing I can do is spread the purity of life when I can.
We fell to our knees as Hermione let tears go too. I know she was scared. We were all scared. Battles and death were all becoming too familiar in our lives. And that's scary.
"I'm so sorry," Hermione sobs as we sat embraced against the carpeted floor. Hermione Granger has been my best friend since I was eleven. She knew me better than I knew myself.
"I'm so scared," I breathed through a rush of tears. Fear had consumed me before, but this was different.
My soulmate was going to be out there, fighting for both of our lives while I'm on the sidelines.
Hermione, Harry and Ron were family. They ARE family. I feel useless...
"Promise me you'll be safe," Hermione cooed, her soft breath being the only thing that tells me she's still alive.
"Hell, Mione. Watch your back."