Focus |Luke Hemmings|

18.) I Used To Be Scared

Airica's P.O.V

It's been two weeks since I decided not to be a bitch and leave Candice out on her ass.

She has been spending most of her time in the guest room not really talking to anyone unless we pass by each other in the hallway for a split second.

I didn't really expect much else from here. I basically outed her to her boyfriend in the worst way ever, and it doesn't help that she sees me and Luke together almost everyday and she still says she loves me, so I'm sure it hurts for her to see us together.

I'm starting to think maybe I should at least let her talk to me about all of this.

Just me.

I dropped my phone on the bed and walked out of my room and headed towards the guestroom.

I let out a breath and knocked on the door, waiting for Candice to allow me to walk in.

"Come in." She said and I did just that.

I closed the door behind me and stood in silence for a moment.

"Did you just come in here to stare at me, or is there a reason for your visit." Candice asked me without look at me.

"I wanna talk to you, everything. Alone." I said. And she looked up at me for the first time since I entered the room.

"Okay?" She said in a questioning tone.

"Look, I'm sorry okay? I shouldn't have told Alex about anything." I said and she shrugged.

"I'm better off without him." She said, in a very gloom tone.

"No seriously Candice, what I did was awful and he could have done so much worse than dump you. I risked your life, and that's not cool." I said. Once again, she shrugged her shoulders and didn't respond.

We sat in silence for a moment, and I kept thinking of so many things I wanted to say to her. So many things I wanted to ask her, but where do I even start?

I don't wanna torment her to much, I know it's probably a touchy subject for her right now. She's already uncomfortable, I can see it in here face. I would rather not push her over the edge right now.

"Are we done here?" She asked. I just stared at her face.

"I used to be scared, I used to be like you. I used to care then I came unglued." I said and she gave me a puzzled look.

"What are you so scared of?" I asked and she just stared at me.

"What do you mean?" She asked

"You're scared to leave this room. Why? Are you scared of talking to me?" I asked her

"Honestly Airica, I'm scared of being judged by you and your mum, and especially your friends. It's so unfair that you went through the same thing as I am going through right now, and nobody judges you for it. They all saw nothing wrong with it when it was you, now everyone hates because of this." She said in  a serious tone.

"Judgements aren't unfair, it's what we learn to see." I said as sat down on the edge of her bed.

"No one hates you for liking girls. The way you tried to get to me is why everyone is so mad at you Candice. I'm with Luke now, and you need to except that. I'm sorry." I said and she looked down at her hands that were placed in her lap.

She fiddled her fingers for a few minutes.

"I'm going to bed now Candice, but after you think about everything, come talk to me again." I said and she nodded.

I stood up and headed towards the door and I was just about to open it when I felt her grip my arm.

"Airica, can I ask one favor?" She asked and I nodded my head.

"One kiss. Just one, I need to know if that will help me move on. Luke doesn't have to know, I won't say a word to anyone." She said.

I stayed silent for a moment and thought about what she is asking me to do. I know it's cheating, and I shouldn't, but if there is a chance that she will lose feelings for me if I just let her have one kiss, why not do it?

Luke would understand right?

"One kiss. That's it. One kiss and we stop." I said and she nodded her head.

We leaned in and met in the middle.

As our lips touched it made me realize something. Something I was hoping I would never have to deal with ever again.

I'm not over her.