Sidemen Imagines

• minizerk (3)

J pO S H ' S P O V ~

It's been two years since I last saw Simon, as you can tell I was being an asshole and cheated on him, I wish I didn't because I loved him.. My mum adored him and she was angry that we broke up because of my stupidity

My heart broke when JJ came and told me that Simon has moved on and has a new boyfriend... I thought it was a lie until I saw it with my own two eyes.

'So I heard you found somebody else'

'And at first I thought it was a lie'

'I took all my things that make sounds'

'The rest I can do without'

I didn't know what to feel but I know it was sadness, I was actually meant to buy some new things for my camera especially a new tripod because mine broke and I don't know how.

Once I got home, I sat down on my sofa and just started going through memories in my head.

As much as I want him to be with me the son of a asshole I am but I want Simon to be happy - not just be happy with me but I mean happy wherever his life takes him.

I wanted to cuddle with him but I hate to think that he is sharing it with somebody else, I've tried texting him or calling but he doesn't pick up anymore.

'I don't want your body'

'But I hate to think about you with somebody else'

'Our love has gone cold'

'You're intertwining your soul with somebody else'

did he really change phone numbers aswell?

The thoughts of him being with another man really just upsets me and makes me wanna cry. Our love is like nothing but just pure cold, where it's like you don't even care about me.

I'm finding it hard to love myself first before being with other people..

I mean we have hung out a few times but that's not the same, I want him to be here and cuddle me with his kisses. He used to plant kisses all over my neck till there was a mark, I have that scar but it's not showable meaning that his mark on me is forever.

Whenever we did hang out but he was always on his phone, I just check who he was messaging and it used to bother me that he was smiling at his phone...

When he could have been smiling at me but then his boyfriend is texting him and he had way more interest on that dude than me. I just felt drained and depressed until he told me.

"I have to go, i'll see you later?" Simon said as he left to put on his shoes.

I nodded and heard the door slam.

I just watched him leave like that and now I'm having nightmares or even weird visions of his body with another guy when it's meant to be me.

'I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone'

'And then leaving with somebody else'

'No, I don't want your body'

'But I'm picturing your body with somebody else'

The fact that I wanted Simon to stay but I always told him that he'll see my face again soon someday but I remember him saying that he will find someone to replace me.

how can you replace me? I've been single for two years hoping you'd come back.

I am fucking irreplaceable.

my heart still hurts, I'm still crying to my mum every other nights sometimes to the point where I'm staying back at my mum's house.

But my head keeps reminding me that I should just forget about him but I can't.

'Come on baby'

'This ain't the last time that I'll see your face'

'Come on baby'

'You said you'd find someone to take my place'

'Oh I just don't believe that you have got it in you cause'

'We are just gonna keep "doin' it" and everytime'

'I start to believe in anything you're saying'

'I'm reminded that I should be getting over it'

My life here is pretty much a waste now, I go out to parties find someone on a one night stand and then go home.I just need someone that can help me shape up my life. I'm tired of feeling like crap!

But fuck that shit, get money and do whatever I want but thoughts of him still comes in.We will always be together even if we aren't.

'Get someone you love?'

'Get someone you need?'

'Fuck that'

'Get money'

'I can't give you my soul'

'Cause we're never alone'

People always tell me it's okay to cry because I'm human but I still go cry by myself or to my mum.

But lonely nights to myself I cry by myself , I look at the moon and the stars just admiring the glitter shine the way Simon used to look at me.

I couldn't hold on to my emotions I had to let them out, luckily I was by myself here in my apartment I just cried my eyes out until I heard the doorbell ring.

It was Simon.

"Hey!" I said trying to stop myself from crying.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I didn't know whether to just close the door and let we walk away or just try to get some closure.

"No, I'm not okay! I'm seriously having a hard time right now... Are you okay?" I said gently between my sobs.

"I boyfriend broke up with him so I came here to just hang out!" He said looking down.

'Hey! Don't put your head down babe! Whatever reason he did you shouldn't regret doing something!' I said as I saw him beginning cry.

"I know but I broke up with him because I can't take it anymore Josh... The last two years was difficult, I regret leaving you because of one little mistake." He said crying.

I pulled him into my house as he sat on the sofa. I watched him as he spoke again.

"When I saw you out somewhere, I realised how sad you looked, I didn't realise that you would be this heart-broken. I wish we had sorted it out because every time I was with my boyfriend I felt like I didn't belong with him... There's times I dont want him touch me because I wanted it to be you that will touch me! Josh, I'm sorry I broke up with you!" He said.

"That's all I wanted to hear for the past two years! Just a little bit of closure and I'm sorry for cheating on you with Alex!" I said hugging him.

"I love you Josh and I have never stopped!" Simon said.

"I love you and I won't stop loving you!" I said while hugging him tightly.

I hope this one was good.