complicated ♡ k.ms

Chapter 11

Lynh

"Too hard for you? It was hard for me! I didn't understand why you were doing this to me! I didn't know why you broke up with me! I didn't know if you loved me."

Of course I loved him. I loved him so much that it still hurts now. I was so stupid to break up with him.

FLASHBACK TO 1 YEAR AGO

"You've been dating this kid for almost a year now. You two are really committed to each other. Is this his first relationship? Is that why he hasn't broken up with you?" My friend Joana said to me. For weeks Joana and Samantha had been making fun of me about my relationship with Hoseok because he was younger than me. After finding out about my relationship and his age, they had been teasing me, almost like bullying.

"How many years younger again? 1? 2?" Samantha said to me.

"4 years younger," I mumbled. The both started laughing harder.

"How can you date a guy that young? Isn't he really immature?" Joana says with a smirk.

"He's really nice and he acts older. He takes care of me as well," I say.

The two start laughing even harder and start teasing me, again. I go to the bathroom so I can get away from the two.

I silently cried for few minutes about him. I hated that they kept making fun of him. I hated that I couldn't see him. I hated that I was older. I promised him that I wouldn't care but I couldn't. The age difference between us is too big. I felt bad that I lied to him about it. He treats me so well for someone his age. I wanted Joana and Samantha to stop but I knew I should leave it.

I really do love him even though I've had some doubts in the past few weeks. What if he's got another girl? What if he's just playing with my feelings because I'm older? What if he isn't interested in older woman? What if he doesn't actually love me? I wanted to ask him these questions but I knew I would feel guilty after for not trusting him. I want him to have the best. I want to be able to comfortably date without my friends teasing me. I want him to find someone else.

I started to cry even more thinking about these thoughts. If I were really happy with him, this wouldn't be happening. Maybe he isn't the one for me. I pulled out my phone from my pocket and called Hoseok. It rang three times before he picked up.

"Hello?" He said. I can just imagine him happily smiling while talking.

"H-hoseok, we need to talk," I stutter and start to hiccup from all the crying.

"Lynh? What's wrong? Are you crying?" He starts to panic and I shush him to be quiet so I can explain.

"I'm fine. It's just that I wanted to talk to you about something," I say. I can feel the lump in my throat go bigger and bigger.

"What is it?" He says in a worried tone. I start to cry and he tries to calm me down.

"We need to break up," I say in a quiet tone. I don't listen for his reply and hang up the phone. My phone starts ringing and I instantly knew it was Hoseok. I turned my phone off knowing that he will call me again and again.

I start crying louder and louder and sob into my arms.

"Lynh? Are you alright?" I hear Joana's voice outside the door and I get up to open it.

"Hey! What's wrong?" Samantha instantly comes up to me and hugs me. I fall to the ground crying whilst the two hug me.

"I-I b-broke up w-w-with H-hoseok," I say with a shaky voice. The two gasp and hug me harder.

"Was it because of us?" Joana says. I shake my head.

"I chose to do it," I say in a quiet voice. I cry harder whilst the girls hug me. My heart is slowly shattering but I know that Hoseok is feeling worse than me. I just hung up on him and never told him my reason.

For the next few months, I'm still heartbroken about our break up and isolated myself from everyone. I'm sorry Hoseok but it was for the best. 

END OF FLASHBACK

"I did love you. I still do," I whisper. I slowly lift my eyes to him and see him crying.

"Then why? Why would you do this to me?" Hoseok says with a shaky voice.

"I couldn't help but feel like I didn't deserve you."