Recalling Reality

Chapter 15

His eyes are cold and narrowing in on me. The lump in my throat is thickening by the minute and growing even heavier. I want to cry some more, but my tear ducts are refusing to pump out any more water.

Ryan clears his throat, now becoming the only sound in the room. He steps forward in between Shane and me. His back is to us, but his hand is spread out as if he were holding me back. "I think you need to leave."

"I am not leaving." Shane's growl antagonizes my heart, and it begins to pulverize the muscles in my chest. "I want some answers."

"Dude, I think she is the one who needs the answers." His hand slowly returns to his side, and he glances back at me before returning his attention to Shane. "How dare you have her kick Hannah out of the house? And how dare you think about going back to that woman who clearly damn near destroyed you?"

"Stay out of it, Ryan. This is between me and her." Shane points at me, and the anger is deep within his tightened body, but the hurt is secreting out of his pours.

"Really? When you shit on a person like Hannah for a person like Allison, it becomes my problem."

I step back and retreat to the back yard to let the two guys handle the issue as I am not good at confrontation of that sort. It was Shane's deal that he wanted to return to the woman who brought him to enough pain that he wanted to end his life. My destination still lay at going home and getting away from the blanket of humiliation Shane's ex covered me with.

I listen to the birds chirp, wondering what makes them so damn happy. It isn't like life was great at all. Not when people are filled with hurting each other any way they possibly can. And there was me who wrote damn books about love and happiness when I was never going to be allowed to have either.

My life back home was secluded and didn't involve anyone else. Just the way life, I am guessing, should be. No drama when you are alone. The only thing that comes about is the ability to make your mind think of a hundred different ways things can happen. With my mind, those things that can happen are like a million to one chance, but to the extreme. Hence the whole reasoning behind me writing my books.

And this could be a book.

I run inside and avoid the heated discussion that Ryan and Shane are having. Collecting my laptop from the living room, I glance around before I sneak back through the thickened air of the kitchen and to the back yard. I set up my computer and begin working away. And I don't stop until I could no longer see the keyboard.

When I look up, Shane is seated across from me at the wrought iron table. The anger is gone, but the hurt is coated thickly over him.

"We need to talk," are the only words he allows to come out.

I save my work and close the lid. My heart is beginning to increase in speed, and I nod slightly, knowing what is coming. The whole, you're really nice, but I don't think I could ever love someone like you.

"Ryan is pissed at me. He is taking your side. And just to let you know, he is the only true friend I have, so you better think long and hard before you answer my question." His fingertips press together and his beautiful blue eyes are gluing to mine. "I will ask my question once we get through talking about what happened."

"There is nothing to discuss, Shane. I understand." The sharp knife plunges into my gut, and he is nodding in anticipation. He wants to clear the air so he can run free with the blonde bimbo. But, can I really let him go that easy? Maybe I was jumping into thinking he really liked me, though I felt something with him I never felt with any other man before. I was comforted. I was protected. I was ... something that mattered to someone for once in my life. How could I not want someone who treated me like I was actually special and worth the time to take getting to know?