Recalling Reality

Chapter 31

I sit back against the couch, and my heart is dipping into my stomach. This missing five years of my life is hard. But knowing my brother had taken his own life over a stupid accident was even harder.

Why? Why would he take his own life without talking to me about it? I was the one he hit with his car. Why wouldn't he care what I thought about it?

"You need to get some sleep. Your mom is going to take you to the doctor tomorrow." Shane walks through the living room and goes straight into the kitchen.

"Who did you marry? And if you are married to someone, then why bring me back here?" The lump in my throat gets bigger and heavier as I look at the photos that are housed in brass frames on the wall around the television. One is of that little girl with the dark curls, and the other is my brother, the one who fought life and life won.

"Someone who I thought was a whole lot different." He flips on the sink and gets a glass of water. "I really don't know what to think at this point, Hannah. I just need some time..."

I sit back against the couch, and my heart is dipping into my stomach. This missing five years of my life is hard. But knowing my brother had taken his own life over a stupid accident was even harder.

Why? Why would he take his own life without talking to me about it? I was the one he hit with his car. Why wouldn't he care what I thought about it?

"You need to get some sleep. Your mom is going to take you to the doctor tomorrow." Shane walks through the living room and goes straight into the kitchen.

"Who did you marry? And if you are married to someone, then why bring me back here?" The lump in my throat gets bigger and heavier as I look at the photos that are housed in brass frames on the wall around the television. One is of that little girl with the dark curls, and the other is my brother, the one who fought life and life won.

"Someone who I thought was a whole lot different." He flips on the sink and gets a glass of water. "I really don't know what to think at this point, Hannah. I just need some time..."

The hot tears burn my eyes, and I watch him gulp the water. "I fell in love with you, Shane. I only wanted you. Do you know how hard this is waking up in this strange house, knowing you are... married..." I sob, and before it can get out of control, I manage to pull it back and tuck it down past the sticky, thick lump. "You were the only one who hugged me and pieced back together all those broken shards of my heart. You were my... everything."

"Everything, Hannah?" He cocks his brow and staggers into the living room with his hair messed and minus his shirt from earlier. Still, his chest looked like a million dollars and a washboard I could do my laundry on. Still, just as perfect as he was when I saw him naked for the first time in that paradise hotel. "I trusted you. I loved you. I believed in you. I helped you... And what did you do to me?"

"You are married, Shane. You have a daughter..." My words trip on the breath that rushes out of me. I need him. I need his arms around me, but the cold front he was putting on was becoming even more frigid.

"We, Hannah. We are married. We have a daughter." His beautiful blues roll over to me, meeting me with the pain and suffering he has been holding in for... who knows how long. "That little girl, Josie. She's ours, Hannah. And she's a wonderful little girl. Just remember that when you are out and about doing your own thing."

My daughter? Married?

I stand and walk around the couch to see the photos again. Now, I can see it. I can see the woman's face in the photo. The one Shane is looking so in love with. His arms around me, and his heart is coming straight through his eyes, settling in on me. "Why can't I remember?"

"I don't know. I don't know much about you anymore, Hannah. You've been sleeping in the basement for the six months, so... I quit trying." His voice tapers off and he makes his way down the hall and back into the bedroom.

No. I would never... If I was married to Shane, there would be no way I would sleep away from him. He had my heart. Even if I didn't remember anything, I never would leave him.

I retreated to the bedroom hopefully I can have some answers. The first room I entered was a large living room, with a gym in the back. Weights, treadmill, elliptical, and some other fancy equipment. There is another large screen television that sits on a long, homemade entertainment stand, and thousands of movies housed in the cubby holes.

After that room, I come to a bathroom that is decorated in moose and wilderness scenery. And I like that room. I like the moose, but it seems like this would be more like someone else, than Shane.

I find a bedroom, and it's decorated in blues and reds, and the bed is not made. Someone has been sleeping in the bed. Shane did say that I was sleeping down there for a while. But, why would I if I was married to him?

So much to find out, and Shane seems to be very angry and hurt toward me, so I am not sure I will be able to find out.

Instead of going in and laying down, like I should, I walk pass the bedroom to another large room, one with the door closed. When I open it, my breath catches in my throat and I am greeted with some photos on the wall of me shaking hands with some people I should know, but their names are not coming forth.

On one wall was a tall bookshelf with the year etched in the shelf face with books placed on each one. It's weird, though. The shelves are not full, and they have just three, three or four books at the most on the newer shelves. This first few, have about five, but then it gets less and less as the years. And there are brass frames that house photos of me holding the copies of those books.

Maybe they are books that I've read, but why make such a big deal out of...

I pluck the first book off the shelf and I my eyes land at the bottom, the embossed name.

Hannah Janderowski.