Recalling Reality

Chapter 21

Beep...

Beep...

Beep...

It's back! My beeping is back! And I can cry, if I could open my eyes, that is. I thought I lost my beeping.

There is a little rustle of noise in the room before the edge of my bed dips. This dip is petite, almost tiny. The scent of fresh baby shampoo basks over the sanitary bleached over room.

A miniature hand wraps around mine, holding it tightly. Comfort is pouring through her hold on me, but I am not sure if I am able to respond. Or if I am responding.

"Dear God. It is okay if you need Mommy back because we know that she is one of your kids. But, we would really like to have her, too. It's not fun with her not here with us. And I am able to take care of her. I just ask that you think about taking her to be with you. You have so many angels up there already. I really need her here. Daddy's not okay. He's really sad. He says she's not hurting, or in any pain. Thank you for that. But, please, decide who gets her. Please. Daddy would really like to have her back. And I would, too. Amen."

Who are your parents and where are they if you are in here?

Instead of answering, the mattress dips and she leans in to press her lips to my forehead. I can feel that. But, who is she? I don't recognize her at all. I wouldn't give up that little kiss of love and comfort for anything, but I hope she doesn't have the wrong person.

The infrequent beep alarms me and I am hit with my grogginess. It isn't long until I am relishing in my serenity.

A hand is squeezing mine, holding it between hers. And it has to me by Mom again. Just like every other time I wake up, she's beside me, holding on to me.

"She is a sweet little girl. She has dark, velvety hair. And these curls that are just ... wild. They bounce when she skips. Her skin is like a porcelain doll, smooth and blemish free. She is a free and happy spirit. Loves to play in the sand. And she loves her daddy. He is her knight in shining armor.

When the night comes and she is dressed in her princess pajamas, she kneels beside her bed and claps her hands together. She prays.

She gets tucked into her bed, surrounded by her stuffed animals, Big Kitty as she calls it. The one Shane bought you. She loves that kitty and she misses her mommy."

Who? Mom, who are you talking about?

Her words mush together and I am finding myself losing track of what she's talking about. My head begins to clobber, and my stomach is roiling because of it. But, I hang on hoping to get some more insight of what the hell is going on.

Why is Mom so freaked out, worried, and completely not herself? Where is Shane? Who is this little girl she's talking about now?

Her hand squeezes mine tightly and I hear the sob projecting from her. "Honey? I am here. And I know that you are in there, listening to me." Mom's hand brushes my cheek and she presses her lips to it. "I love you so much. You're my baby."

Once again, I am charged with the sleepy beep and I faded once again. This time, there is no hope for hanging on to anything, as this beep is fiercer than before.

Pulling out of the dense fog, I am getting a whiff of the spicy, woodsy cologne my brother douses himself with. It's enough to pull anyone out of a coma, and apparently whatever hell I am in right now for some reason.

"Hey, sis. I'm here. I don't like being here, but they said I needed to come." For being the oldest of the two boys, he sure sounds like a child. But why? I'm right here. "Everything is okay. I'm taking good care of them. If that's okay. I'm really sorry. I am so sorry."