Recalling Reality

Chapter 38

There is a little rustle of noise in the room before the edge of my bed dips. This dip is petite, almost tiny. The scent of fresh baby shampoo basks over the sanitary bleached over room.

A miniature hand wraps around mine, holding it tightly. Comfort is pouring through her hold on me, but I am not sure if I am able to respond. Or if I am responding.

"Dear God. It is okay if you need Mommy back because we know that she is one of your kids. But, we would really like to have her, too. It's not fun with her not here with us. And I am able to take care of her. I just ask that you think about taking her to be with you. You have so many angels up there already. I really need her here. Daddy's not okay. He's really sad. He says she's not hurting, or in any pain. Thank you for that. But, please, decide who gets her. Please. Daddy would really like to have her back. And I would, too. Amen."

Who are your parents and where are they if you are in here?

Instead of answering, the mattress dips and she leans in to press her lips to my forehead. I can feel that. But, who is she? I don't recognize her at all. I wouldn't give up that little kiss of love and comfort for anything, but I hope she doesn't have the wrong person.

"Hannah?" His arm brushes against mine and I am pulled from the distance back into the drab colored waiting room. My casted arm is propped up on the arm rest and my body is actually sore. When I look at him, the worry is housed deep in his blue eyes. "You're starting to scare me."

"I saw her when I was in the hospital, Shane. It was her. And I was in the hospital." I swallow hard, but the thick, heavy lump insists on staying put. "I distinctly remember Quinn visiting, Ryan coming in and telling the nurses that he was my fiancé..."

His brow arched as he cocked his body in the chair in order to get a better look at me. "What?"

"He brought me a sandwich when I was able to eat. I could barely talk, but he came... and you never did." Jumping out of the chair, I stepped away from him. "You never came to visit me while I was there."

"What are you talking about?" He stands and tries to come closer, but I hold up my hand, the uncasted one, keeping him from coming closer to me.

"I waited, every single day, for you to come visit me. But you never did. You never came." I move around the middle section of chairs. Those days I remember from the hospital, I cried for him, asked about him, and begged for him to come visit, and he never did. Not once. "Mom was there constantly. Quinn... Josie..."

"Hannah, please. I need you to calm down." His hand finally connects with me and my body is craving to be wrapped up in his arms. But, he keeps me at length. "We had Josie way after the accident. About a year, when it was safe to have a baby. We talked about that after we got married."

"No, she prayed. She sat on my bed with me, and prayed. Then, she kissed my forehead. Shane, it was her. I saw her, and I remember her." I rubbed my forehead and the hammering started, softly behind my temples, and into the left side. "She was there."

"Come and sit back down. We are here at the doctor, and we can talk to him, and figure this out together."

"Why?" I pull away from him and make my way to the door. He was sure I had an affair with Ryan, but I didn't. There was no way in hell I would ever sleep with Ryan. Not when Shane was my world. I emerge from the room and into the hall where there are a few people walking the mini-mall on the north side of the city.

"Hannah, please." He wraps his arm around mine, and stops me from going anywhere.

"You are leaving me because you think that I was sleeping with Ryan! I am not and I never would be! You can ask him yourself!" I pull my arm back, and release the dams allowing the hot waters to flow freely from my eyes. "I sat in that hospital with Mom and Quinn constantly visiting. And Josie. She was there, and you can't tell me any different. You were the only one who wasn't there.

"And I waited for you. I asked for you. I wanted you to be there so bad... and you left me. You left me all alone." My cries come out pain filled and hard, robbing all air from my lungs. "Quinn will tell you that he was there. You just have to call him..."

When he reaches for me, I resist, but with his larger statue, he ignores my flailing arms and wraps his around me, pushing me into the marble wall. "It's okay, Hannah. I'm right here, and we are somewhere that can help us figure this out."

"I didn't have an affair and you are still going to leave me." His arms. I wished for those arms so many times in the hospital, but they never came. But, once the alarms went off, the comfort poured into my veins and settled me down, each and every single time.

"Shhh...." He rocks me, but my brain feels funny. Almost as if I can feel the actual electrical impulses shooting to one side, and back. It hurts, but I can't say anything. It's like I am stuck. Frozen. Finally, he jars me, and I notice that he is no longer holding me tight to his chest, but he has me at arms-length. "Hannah, answer me."

"I want to go home." My energy rushes through me, and I am exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open.

"We have an appointment. And you need this appointment." Finally, he draws me close to him, wrapping those arms around me, and I bask in the moment. Those holds come very far between each other, and soon, I will never be able to have them again. "Let's go home."

He releases me and escorts me back out to the parking lot to his truck. I climb in and right away, I buckle my seatbelt and prop my head up against the door. It isn't until I am getting nudged that I wake up and look over at him. We are home and I hadn't even realized I fell asleep.

Instead of making me walk, Shane picks me up and carries me into the house, placing me on the couch. Before he walks away, he covers me with a blanket and I find myself falling into the peaceful darkness once again.

The next time I wake up, the evening brings the house down to a quiet somber and my heart sinks deep into my stomach. I am all alone.

I slip out from under the blanket and enter the kitchen while rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. On the counter is a note,

Hannah,

Had to go over to Ryan's to begin packing up his belongings. Josie will be home tonight. If you need help taking care of her, just have your mother call me and I will come back.

Shane

Ryan's? If Shane was at Ryan's, Ryan would be able to tell him why he accused me of sleeping with him. That would solve everything. Shane would come home, and we can begin this marriage together, now that I realize that I am married to the most wonderful man alive.

Simple as that.