Recalling Reality

Chapter 20

I try to open my eyes, but that's a given that I can't. The beeping, my only constant, is keeping me company right now. As long as I hear that steady beep, I am not hurting. It's when all sounds seize that I hurt.

Beeps are good. I need more of those beeps.

My mouth is dry again, and it feels strange. At least my headache is gone. That's a plus. But, my body hurts a little. Like my muscles are tight.

"No change. I'm sorry." It is that man's voice. That one who is constantly talking in some different language that I don't understand. But as far as I know, I haven't left the states.

"She will be fine." Her hand brushes mine again.

I am fine, Mom. I am right here. I didn't go anywhere.

Mom what ever happened to that guy you worked with? The one with the laser blue eyes? What was his name? Shane?

Mom?

Can't you hear me?

"If everything is showing that she's there, why isn't she responding at all?"

Who in the heck is my mom talking about? Not responding?

"It's a miracle she is even alive." There he is again; that other voice. Who is he? What is he?

I try to respond, but what's the use? They are not acting as if they can hear me. Though, there is a new beep, different than the one that is steady and keeping the pain away. This one...

A warmth flows through my veins and it's like I hit a brick wall. I am exhausted. But, I need to stay awake and get Mom to hear me, to listen to me.

I can't even keep my eyes open. It's so hard to... stay awake.

Her hand brushes my forehead, no doubt to move the wicked curls off my forehead. She used to always do that when I was little. Those damn curls. "Baby, can you hear me? I'm right here, honey."

Of course I can hear you, Mom. My eyes are just... They don't want to open. Mom? Why can't you hear me?!

"It's been days. When will she come out of this?" Her voice is a little more muffled, and the crack of whine was filling into the depth of the room. Is she crying? Why is she crying?

You don't need to cry. I've never seen you cry before. Why are you so sad? Mom? Mom, answer me.

That differentiated beep echoes through the room and once again, I am being sucked into the darkness of sleep. I can't even focus on... anything... so tired.

The lyrics to a song fill the silence. For some reason, it seems as if its dark, and those words are the only thing that is filling the room.

I Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith. My favorite song by them. But it's not Stephen Tyler singing ... and there is no music...

This voice is soft, gentle, and deep. Deep like ... that Shane guy.

I try to sit up, but it's like I am tied down. I can't move, but... that song. That voice. I know him. That's Shane. Shane was the one who hugged me and mended my broken heart. And I need him again. I need him right now.

Hey. Please. Keep singing it. I like it. I like to hear it. Hey? Hey, Blue-Eyes. Are you still there? Hello?

I suck in for more air, but something's not right. I can't get any more.

The beeping has gone away again. My lifeline of beeping. Where did it go?

No steady beeping. That means...

Hey! I am having a hard time breathing! It hurts when I breathe! Mom! Mom! Talk to me! Why is it hurting to breathe again?!

My head hurts. It's pounding. It's like a vice is tightening around my temples.

Make it stop. Please, make it stop.

"She...! Breathing...! Stat...!"

The weight on my chest is beginning to hurt. It feels like my lungs are going to explode. It keeps pushing on my chest. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Over and over again. My body is just allowing this torture. It needs to stop.

Stop! Please stop!

Finally, my body stills.

Complete silence. Nothing. Not even a pin drops. I am enveloped in the eerie calm and peace of wherever the hell I am.

And I don't like it.

Mom? Hello? Anyone?

She would never go anywhere. She's been here. I am at home in Wisconsin. I was just visiting my three nephews, and my oldest brother was getting married. Did he get married yet? I still haven't met her.

The air rushes into my lungs and I take it a big gulp as if I hadn't had any for an excruciating length of time. I do it again and my friendly beeping is joining me again. But, it's not as steady, nor strong yet.

But, I breathe in again.

I can breathe. And it's such fresh air. I suck in more just to fill my lungs.

"I don't know ... her body ... keep doing ... damage..." Him again. He is starting to irritate me.

"She ... baby ... my daughter..." Her hand cups mine. Her ring is still there, and it's pressing into my skin. It's cold. Like ice. But then I suppose diamonds are always called ice, right?

Mom! She is back and, though her voice is weakened, I knew she was being strong. She was always strong.

Hey, Mom? Where is that Shane guy you worked with?

"Baby, you just hang in there. I'm still right here."

There is something touching my cheek. I can feel something touching my cheek! She must be touching me!

Mom! Mom! What's going on? What's wrong?

Still, I get no answer. No answer and my beeping scuttles away again. I suck in for some air, but the disappearance of my steady tells me that the pain is soon to come. The pain... of not being able to breathe again.

This time, pain does not impede me. It's as if I am pulled into this vortex of sanctity.

It's warm and comforting. There is music playing, but I don't know from where. There is too much fog. It's thick fog. And I walk, but the fog doesn't let up. I just walk.

In the distance, that song is still lofting in the air. The thick, darkened air that is surrounding whatever room I am in. And it's not Stephen Tyler, and no one can ever compare to that man of complete awesomeness. But this, this song that somehow means so much, is coming from someone else. Someone who knows how much I absolutely love that song.