Recalling Reality

Chapter 29

The room is cold and the air from the vents are blowing right down on me, sneaking under the neckline of my shirt. I can't get warm, but then again, how can I when I don't understand why everything is so messed up right now.

It has been a while since I've seen any patrol officers, or anyone for that matter. The young man who brought me into the station assured me that everything was alright. And I needed to believe him. Right?

The door finally opened and there he was. The man who I spent two amazing nights with in the fanciest hotel paradise. His hair was tasseled and there were dark circles hanging around his dull blue eyes.

My heart leaps into my throat and the tears instantly heat up in my eyes, blurring the vision of him standing before me. I stand, my legs trembling, and I wait hoping that he wraps me in his arms and holds me tight.

But he doesn't move. He just stands with the door to his back and the pain deep in his blue eyes. Pain from something. Pain from... whatever happened to me that caused me to be in the hospital for that time.

"I need to know what's going on, Shane." My heart cracks and the tears break through my hold, and trickle down my face. I need him to hold me. I need that comfort from him, but for some strange reason, he's not giving that to me.

"I'm just glad that you are okay. For what it's worth, if you even care, you scared the hell out of me and Josie." His left hand came up, washing his face from the stress he was carrying. And on his left hand, there was a ring. A silver and black band. A wedding band.

He was married.

And who was Josie? His wife?

Thousands of knives enter my chest, slicing and dicing everything in their way. One nicked my lung and the breath escapes me, leaving me unable to catch my breath. But, what did it matter? He was married. He was married and...

I spent an amazing weekend with a married man! How could he do that after what he went through with his ex-girlfriend?

Why didn't Ryan tell me when we hung out at the mall after I was humiliated by my sister-in-law? And why didn't anyone else mention anything at Quinn's wedding?

He told me that he loved me. How could he be married to someone else and tell me how much he loved me?

"It's been a very long day." His arm fell to his side and he gave me a quick wave to follow him. And I follow behind, my head handing low and my heart sinking into the empty pit of my stomach.

I climb into the front seat of the familiar truck, the one I've rode in a few times with Shane before. Expect, this time, there is more wear and tear on the vehicle than I can recall. I turn in the passenger seat and my eyes land on a booster seat, like the one my nephews used until they were big enough to sit in the seat alone.

A ring on his left hand, the wedding band. A booster seat. The conclusion ends up making my heart shatter into thousands of tiny pieces. Pieces that would never be mended. "You're married and you have a child. You could have told me."

The snort of a laugh emerges and he shakes his head. Bringing his left hand to his face, he runs it over, covering those beautiful blue eyes that were all dull and emotionless for a brief moment. "Yeah, Hannah. I'm married and I have a little girl. She's five and looks exactly like her mother."

"Why didn't you tell me before you took me to that paradise hotel the weekend of Quinn's wedding? But no, you make me think that you are actually in love with me."

"Really, Hannah?" His look turns to me, the disgust swirling in his eyes, deeper than I've ever seen before. "You really want to start-"

"I was in love with you, Shane. All that time we spent together, the zoo and zip lining, skydiving, hockey, and..." My voice cracks as a sob sneaks out. All I wanted for him to do was to hold me like he did that first time, when he mended my broken heart.

"Why are you bringing up that stuff that's happened over five years ago." Ice filled his eyes as he looked over at me for, what seemed to be eternity. That look, I can't get out of my mind. He's never looked at me like that. His ex, yes. Me, no.

"Why are you so angry with me?" My throat is closing and horror streaks through my veins. Everything is off, and to top it all with a cherry, the man I fell in love with is married and has a child. Also, he hates me, and I don't know why.

Just as my brother said, I am slammed with the five year ago. Shane hadn't lived in the house for five years. And now, I am apparently talking about things that happened five years ago.

But they didn't. It was maybe a month ago, I would say. A month and that is it. Okay, two or three at the most. Quinn just got married and I managed to have a wonderful stay in the hospital... So, I didn't know how long that was. But, I am here now. I just wake up in a strange place and everything is out of whack. 

"For everything, Hannah. It isn't anger that I feel toward you. It's hurt." His eyes avert and he shifts into drive, and steers the truck out of the parking lot.

The tears are getting hotter and my body is aching for him, and only him. If I mad him angry, or hurt, or whatever, why did he come to get me here, at the police station? And what about his wife? How is she going to feel knowing he came to pick me up?

"Can you take me home, please?" Wrapping my arms around my body, I leaned in to the door. If he wasn't going to give me the comfort I needed, then to hell with him. I didn't need anything to do with him. I could just go back to my own house and stay the hell away from this family. After all, they were the ones who brought this man into my life. "I can get a ticket and fly home. My truck is at the airport long-term parking. If it's still there."

His foot presses down on the brake, jarring me in the seat, and sending me into the dash. When I look over, his eyes are wide and his mouth gaping. "Are you out of your pretty little head?"

"No. I would rather go back home and wallow away in my own house, Shane. I don't need this attitude, or... treatment from you. I have a life back home. A house. A place where I don't need to be reminded that you are married... and I was dating a married man, who," I motioned to the back seat where the booster was, "apparently has a child also."

"Hannah?" His hand covers mine, and he squeezes bringing my attention to his beautiful blue eyes. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Before I could say anything, the color in his face drained, leaving him ashen. Worry packs into his eyes, and the crow's feet deepen, adding some extra years to his face. 

"You never went home after Quinn's wedding. We took a trip and put that house up for sale five years ago." He presses his lips together, and shakes his head. "I need to get you home."

Home? Do I even have a home now? What's this five years ago? How in the hell could I be missing five years of my life?