Pain 2: Him (H.S)

My note

Hey guys, it's been a while, I know and I apologise. I'm going to get right to it and explain the 10 month hiatus--if this is what that was--and I hope you all understand.

First, hope you're all well and are doing okay. I've missed you all.

So, the last ten or so months that I've been gone, I was collecting myself, personally and professionally. With work and school there was no time for writing. I know I should've left a note explaining myself instead of leaving you all, but I thought maybe you'd all understand if I didn't. Some of you did, some didn't, but that's okay it's understandable.

I was going to school from 9-4 then work for the rest of the day everyday, I barely had time for myself and writing just completely fell off my list. Yes I could've made time for it but I didn't want to and I felt like I didn't have to. It wasn't selfish of me. I love writing but I was always thinking and worrying about updating instead of focusing on my goals. The last couple of chapters were forced out of me from writers block and lack of motivation and inspiration, and when the boys took the break, I had completely lost all interest in fan fiction writing. It had nothing to do with reads or votes or comments, just woke up one day and started focusing on what was important in my life.

When something like your favourite band or singer takes a break, after you've dedicated so much to something and it's, what it feels like, torn from you, what can you do? The boys break really pulled me away from the fandom in general, from their music, the books and I left it. They were on a break so I decided to take one too and honestly it took so much stress off of me.

I've been writing this book for almost 4 years. I needed the break.

Some people were saying "just delete the book if you're not going to update" and other things that hurt me as a writer. Why would I delete something I dedicated four years of my life to?  Almost 200 chapters? Why would I erase something over a delayed update? It didn't make sense but at the same time my readers were frustrated. Again, understandable.

Basically what I'm trying to say is I don't know when I'm going to update or if I ever will and some people actually suggested that I hand over my work to another author who's "more willing" to update. I'd rather leave it as is than do that. These books mean everything to me. I've grown as a writer and improved because of this. This was my first major book that caught fans and together we had our little notification squad and it was everything. I loved it. Every time I would update, within an hour I had thousands of readers and comments of conversations and remarks from people who were invested and loved my book. But with time, like most fan fictions, it faded and so did I. It's normal, things happen.

I wanted to reply to comments and questions but I didn't know how to and waiting ten months didn't help, I know. But I hope you all understand. I don't know what else to say except thank you. Again, I don't know when I'll update. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and have the urge again but I doubt it. I don't want to tell you how the book will end for that very reason so I'll just leave it where it's at.

If you have questions I'll be more than happy to answer them.

Love and thank you all.
❤️