Pain 2: Him (H.S)

Chapter 27

Harry's asleep but I can't seem to find my own. Yesterday still seems like some type of bad thought I had, kind of like the others I usually have, but it was all so painfully real. I can't find the light out this tunnel and I desperately need help. Harry and I fought for hours when we got home yesterday because I begged him to tell the police and get help but he's too caught up in his pride and 'revenge' that he won't save my life without putting it more in danger, so he insisted that he 'has it under control.'

I'm not sure what to do anymore.

My mom called me when she landed and everything Harry told them happened. A chauffeur escorted them to the hotel and she said the suite was "unbelievable and breath taking." I don't know how Conor paid for all that because I'm sure it costed him thousands of dollars, but I won't question how he handles and gains his money. And speaking of that, Harry still hasn't told me how he has so much of it and it's concerning me. The storage is back and he won't tell me what it is, no surprise there, and I'm so tired of his childish games and lies; it's driving me insane and no matter what I do or how hard I beg, he still won't tell me one thing.

It's almost midnight and I've been laying beside him for almost three hours trying to figure out how we can get ourselves out of this. I'm pretty stupid and I'm even more stupid for just realizing it now. I could save my life by just walking out of his and everything will be normal again but I can't leave him. I can't explain my love for him to anyone because they'll think I'm naive and "just a child," I'm so attached to him that I can't build not even an ounce of courage to leave. No matter how many fights, lies, secrets, hateful and spiteful words we exchange and have, I love him more than anyone else in the world and I need him. I need him way more than he needs me and this is just some obstacle we need to overcome.

Once we overcome it, we can finally be happy.

I haven't left the apartment since yesterday but Harry did to buy cigarettes and food. I watched with my own eyes him smoke two packs in just a day. Cigarette after cigarette, drag after drag and it's not even a concern that he's willingly killing himself by smoking. I told him the whole story of my grandfather dying and how much it hurt me and all he replied with was, "I know, I'm sorry" and "Okay, I understand." He's so complicated and stubborn it took everything in me to bite my tongue. Instead of being there for each other, we've been arguing back and forth nonstop in the passed twenty four hours it's becoming unbearable.

But despite it all, at the end of the day we're always going to be there for each other.

The room is dark with the exception of the city lights shining through the windows and I watch the sky slowly pass. Harry's been asleep for more than three hours and I don't think he's going to wake up any time soon. Half my body is on top of him, my leg crossed over his and his arms wrapped around my neck holding me against his chest. His scar seems to be healing, not as much but it's not as bad as before, and all the small cuts and bruises have gone.

I peck Harry's jaw as he's sleeping, skimming my lips over his stubble and neck. He's so warm despite the air conditioning and his skin smells so good. I love him and even though he's the reason why I'm in danger, I feel safe in his arms. I feel safe in his presence and just having him beside me makes it feel like nothing in the world is wrong and that I'm perfectly okay. Even if I have to close my eyes and imagine myself free flying with no strings with a happy ending, at least I imagine it in his arms.

I untangle myself from him carefully so that I don't wake him and grab my phone before I head out. I tip toe out the room and over his clothes he threw on the floor and all my mind is focused on is the Chinese food in the fridge. I'm starving and my stomach won't stop growling so I'm ready to pig out.

This is my only safe place because Louis and Liam don't know about it and Harry won't let me go home. He said he's going to drop by his house tomorrow to pick up all of my things and bring it here since I'm going to stay until my parents get back but until then, I can't leave. My whole life is laying in Niall's palms because he's working as our messenger and telling us their plans and schemes so if he messes up, I could get hurt. I mean regardless, it's going to happen, right?