Pain 2: Him (H.S)

Chapter 71

I'm sore, but everything seems much more painless. I don't feel a heavy case on my chest, I don't feel like thorns are poking at my heart every time I blink; I feel almost sane. What was meant to be done has been done and now, even crippled from the events, I'm glad it's all over with. I'm glad Liam did what he had to do because now I don't have to fear anymore. He completed his long held task and is now gone, or so he says, and the only thing left is what needs to be ended between Harry and I. Nothing is over yet but I feel as if it is, and this feeling is so overwhelmingly relieving that I almost don't want to move so it won't go away. I have minor rashes on my neck from Liam's hands and my wrists are stinging but I'm okay. I really am. I can breathe again. Temporary breaths I'm sure, but it's all I need for now. Until I encounter Harry, I'm fine.

All the crying helped me and I know I have nothing to be happy about, within this situation I mean, but for me it's like the hard part is over. I'm still afraid of what Harry will do and how he's going to react, but behind that fear is a release. The only thing that weighed on our relationship was Liam and his little crew, but they're all gone and I'm confident in my decisions now. I guess the thought of being free and happy has set a new flame within me.

I look silly wearing a scarf and long sleeve shirt in such heat, but it blends in well with my outfit. The school has Central Air so I'm not the only one whose arms are covered in material, but it's not like it's anyone's concern anyway. Zayn texted me before I went to bed last night and this morning to make sure everything's okay and I'm so grateful to have him here for me. His intentions are well and he's making it very clear that my stability and rest comes first. Bless his heart, he's so kind and gentle. It's unlike me to run to another guy, especially cry in his arms and pour my heart out, but I don't have anyone. The best type of relief and medicine is to speak and scream. Throw shit around and throw a tantrum to ease your nerves and stress because keeping all of that in is like a virus. And I know myself and how ill I become when I compress my emotions. I've always needed an ear to hear me and Zayn provided that for me so really, I shouldn't complain.

"Good morning, Alee." Principal Laveck greets rolling up his sleeves as he stands between the door frame of his office. He looks ill, worse than last time I saw him, but I'm assuming it's just the stress of handling two thousand students.

"Morning." I smile not wanting him to waste any energy in conversation, and walk passed his office down to my locker. I checked all my messages last night and Harry had planned to pick me up for dinner at the apartment. He said he had a surprise and has missed me, but it's hard to miss someone who's a killer.

As usual, students cluster and scatter around the halls and down the stairwell to the gym, and different tones and pitches of laughter and chatter sounds throughout. Honestly, I'm a bit tense. I'm worried and a bit nervous because I know Harry is going to be here and I know he's going to want answers right away and I'm just not ready. He can be so loud and angry but I know it's out of love and despite all he has done I don't want to see his heart break, not now at least. I need to stop being so selfless. He has hurt me so many times yet here I am worried that I'm going to hurt him.

I push the heavy steel doors open and enter the cool gym. Like always, the guys are playing basketball on the half court while the girls set up the volleyball net on the other half and I can hear the bleachers whispering my name to sit with them. I take a seat on the last bench and take out my mirror to make sure all of my marks are covered, and cross my legs for comfort while I watch everyone play. I wish I was more athletic. My mind says yes but my body tells me no so I sit here and watch what I wish I could be. Maybe next year, after I get my life back together over the summer, I'll join track or something. Something to keep me busy after school and help keep me in shape at least.

You know, I'm surprised by how I'm feeling. Knowing me, I should be in my bed crying my eyes out but for some astounding reason, I feel okay. Maybe because this is something I've been low-key preparing for, or because my heart knew something like this was uprising, but either way my conscience is telling me to stay strong and for the first time I'm actually listening to her. That doesn't mean I don't feel pain though. All the lies I thought my paranoia came up with turned out true and the guy I love killed someone. It's heavy on my heart but I'm dealing with it the way I should be.