Pain 2: Him (H.S)

Chapter 16

WARNING: Touchy subject such as sexual assault, abuse, and suicide will be discussed throughout this chapter. Please don't read if these issues are something you don't feel comfortable reading about.

Characters: Mia is portrayed by Gabriella Wilde, and Blake is portrayed by Douglas Booth

Harry's POV:

An uninvited feeling breaks the barricades around my insides as the dark, regretful part of my past begins to up rise again. I know I'm voluntarily telling this con about my life but in all honesty, if Alee weren't here I wouldn't tell him shit. I'm not one to just open up to anybody but it's different with her. It has always been different with her because I love and trust her more than I trust anybody else. I know her only hope is for me to recover and I know she's afraid I might relapse on drugs and the alcohol I claim I won't do again, but this; all of this is for her. I want to become a better man for her and even if this dumb session helps with that, I'm willing to do it.

I look to my beauty beside me who's anticipating my little story time with the big brown eyes I've grown obsessed with and I suddenly feel less nervous. I'm nervous because even though I've told her everything about my past, excluding the part where my father was murdered, I'm afraid she's going to have those feelings she had when I first told her and change her mind. Actually, I'm more terrified than nervous.

"Who is Louis?" Doc asks me holding his pen between his teeth.

"After my dad died I lost myself." My plan wasn't to come here and tell him every single part of my life but I suddenly have the urge to.

"What were you going through? Do you remember how you felt and what you were thinking after his passing?" I don't so much hate this man, I'm just annoyed by his nosiness, but then again it's his job so my frustration is unnecessary. I'll cooperate.

"Yeah," I clear my throat and squeeze her tiny hand in mine. I know I'm seconds from crushing it but for some reason, squishing her hand makes me less nervous. That's some fucked up shit, isn't it? "I remember feeling angry and upset and hurt, I was lost. I knew he did drugs and drank a lot but he never hurt me or my mum when doing it. He never did it because of problems, he did it for fun--at first at least. I just remember thinking that I could've done something, that maybe if I understood what he was doing more that I could've helped him, you know? I was like, seventeen at the time and yeah I knew what the drugs were doing but I didn't know the story behind it. I hated myself for letting him down, I hated that the only person I had was gone."

"What was the story behind it?"

"He bought it from a drug dealer and the debt just kept adding and adding. I don't know how he met him but they were good friends so he was an exception when it came to paying later. Not a lot of drug dealers do that, but it was different between them. Anyway, he couldn't pay the due after a while and they told him he had a certain amount of time to pay and if he didn't meet the deadline he was going to kill him." I've never told anyone this before, not Alee or even Conor. He knows he died but I never sat down and actually talked about it for this exact reason. I feel self hatred again and the regret of letting him die in my arms is consuming me.

"After all of this, you lost yourself and became a different person?" He clarifies.

"Yeah."

"And this lead you to meet Louis?"

"Mhmm." I pull her hand on my lap and trace over the soft skin to create a occupation for mine and hers relaxes under my grip. I need her.

"Tell me about Louis. What was he like? His personality? His behavior? How did he affect your life and everyone in it?"