Pain 2: Him (H.S)

Chapter 34

Confident, energized, motivated; he's preparing like he's going to battle and each second that's passing increases every ounce of worry that I'm feeling. He isn't showing any signs of hesitation or fear, he seems so alert and doesn't seem a least bit disposed about the 'plan' but I'm already feeling apprehensive.

"How long will you be gone?" It's almost eight thirty and the sky is pitch dark. I've been watching him cross back and forth around the room and living room preparing himself and gathering all that he needs and I must have asked him countless times to forget about the whole thing. 

"I don't know. Maybe an hour or two. Maybe more." He shrugs and I rest my back against the head board. He's dressed in all black like an expert criminal ready to fulfill his task while I sit back and drown myself in yet another uneasy pool of anxiety. I'm beginning to doubt my agreement that I won't tell the police because it seems like each day that passes, we're getting closer to the end. 

"When is your mom coming back?" I ask. Has he thought about where she's going to go now that they're watching his house? I don't want to imagine what he'll do if they ever laid a finger on her or Amilia. It's a chilling thought.

"I think Wednesday. I'm not sure. I'm going to have to call her and ask." He says taking all of his jewelry off to prevent it from getting damaged tonight. 

After we had lunch at the diner, we walked around the Franklin Mall for a little and they were completely unfazed as if nothing was going to happen tonight. I don't understand them, neither of them. I don't get how Harry could possibly have something to laugh about, I can't wrap my head around how Conor can plan to go for a drink tomorrow night; they seem so careless. I know they mean well by doing this but what they don't understand is that they're provoking them. And the most fucked up part is, is that they don't want them, they want me. So whatever they do will come right back to me. 

I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them, watching Harry pull his black t-shirt down his stomach completing his one-colored outfit and he turns to me sighing. "Can you stop worrying?" The heels of his boots click against the ground while he approaches me, the echo fading and returning with each step as I hold in my resentment and protest against his logic. "C'mon, babe don't be sad." He sits beside me and brushes his finger against my cheek before kissing it softly and for the first time, it doesn't heal the worry. 

"I don't want you to get hurt." The unbidden anxiety and worst case scenarios are multiplying relentlessly and all I keep thinking about is how he's going to return. Will he be bruised, cut, or drained in blood? Will he end up in the hospital, will Conor end up with him? It's unsettling.

"I won't," He assures kissing my lips applying the perfect amount of pressure and warmth. "I love when you worry for me." He smiles kissing me again and the nonexistent lump in my throat is slowly rising.

"You're not thinking." I shut my eyes and suck in my stomach in hopes that the sharp pain will leave but it seems as if a thousand knives are slowly slicing into the pit of my stomach. The fries earlier made it worst, I don't know why I ate it. 

"Can you please let me handle this?" 

"I'm not going." I interrupt as he opens his mouth to continue and shuts it as if he didn't hear me correctly. I'm worried and angry. More angry than that because it seems as though he wants them to fight back, as if he wants to challenge them.

"You're not going?" He frowns pulling his brows in disapproval. 

"No, I'm not. I don't want to be apart of this anymore. You go and play your game, I want to stay safe here. It's probably the last night I'll have it anyway." I push him away to stand from the bed, losing all grasp of my suppressed displeasure but still, he remains the same. He talks all this bullshit about safety yet he expected me to go with him and wait in the car while he attacked the people who want to hurt me. How is that okay? I want to tell him this, I want to tell him off and express how I feel but I know it would all be a waste of breath. He won't listen to me which is why we're still in this situation.