The Aster {Book 1 & 2} (Batman/Joker/Robin/Batgirl story)

2.16. Broken

The bedroom is huge.

The only piece of furniture is a king's size bed set against the wall opposite me. Next to it is a door, even though it's  only slightly ajar I can see evidence of an equally luxurious and modern bathroom inside.

Like the table room, there's a huge window overlooking the city, though this time only taking up one of the walks. There's a wooden screen blocking part it out of view, I can see the shadow of a crib before cast from behind it.

Instantly I break away from the Joker and run over, my heart racing so fast I almost can't make out the individual beats anymore.

I skid to a halt just before I hit the window and grab hold of the wooden bars of the cot.

Evelyn is lying peacefully in his blanket, his eyes closed, his tiny chest rising and falling in a perfect rhythm.

I inwardly sigh with relief and glance up at the window, some movement catches my eye. But it isn't from the outside. It's from the inside, the reflection of the Joker behind me. He's taking his shirt off.

"What are you doing?" I turn to face him.

"Getting ready for bed, like any normal person would do." His voice hardens. "Maybe you should come and join me."

"No."

He lies down onto the bed, still wearing his sweatpants and fixes his gaze firmly on me.

"I think you should come and join me."

Do everything he says. Remember.

I step over towards the bed. Normal. He wants to play normal and I've gotta go along with it.

Taking a deep breath, I self consciously pull down my denim skirt and kick it off onto the floor. The Joker glances over briefly before returning his attention to his phone.

It takes every bit of self control I have to get into that bed next to him, every cell in my body is screaming to run but I have to do it.

I pull the sheets tight around me and edge as far away from him as possible. My face it half over the floor but I still don't feel far enough away.

I squeeze my eyes tight shut as the mattress shifts a little as the Joker moves onto his side. I can feel his body pressing against mine, his warmth seeping through the thin fabric of my blouse.

The tears start to escape from between my eyelids, burning down my cheek and soaking into the pillows. The tears start to come faster and more frequently, itchy and sticky. Soon the cotton pillowcase is sticking to my skin and I'm struggling to keep my breathing under control.

I flinch as the Joker's arm suddenly rests across me, pulling us ever so slightly closer together.

His breathing... it's slow and steady. Like he's asleep. But he can't be, can he? The Joker doesn't just... sleep?

I don't know how long I just lie here, after a while I'm vaguely aware of my mind falling asleep. I don't fight it, I don't need to, I know as long as I'm still crying I'm not going to lose consciousness.

Everything is silent.

I wonder how many guards there are in the in the rest of the apartment. There was another door of the main room, I'm guessing it must be the kitchen, or a hallway leading there.

I could...

No, I couldn't. Even if I could get both of us out of here without waking up the Joker, the elevator is almost certainly secured in some way and I'd never be able to get past the guy at the main door.

I've got to stay.

A noise breaks the silence. A small moan. Evelyn he's waking up. Time for a feed, I'm surprised he's slept even this long.

This is gonna be difficult.

As gently as I can, I take hold of the Joker's hand and lift it as I slide out from his grip. My heart lurches as I catch a glimpse of the smile tattoo between his thumb and middle finger. That thing is forever gonna scare me.

I rest his arm back down onto the bed and wait a second - no change in his breathing. He's still asleep. Or still faking it.

Nervously glancing around, I tiptoe over to the crib where the sounds of the first few splutters of tears are emerging.

"Don't worry, Mommy's here," I whisper down at Evelyn. The way he wriggles his arms and legs reminds me of an insect flipped onto it's back.

I quietly scoop him up and sit down on a small stool just in front of the window.

I can't screw around with making formula so I apprehensively unbutton my blouse.

Not to mention how vulnerable this is gonna make me feel, I've only ever done this twice before at the hospital with nurses to show me what to do. It isn't as easy as it looks in the movies.

Okay, I needn't have worried. Evelyn has latched on just fine. Shit, no one ever tells you how much breastfeeding actually hurts. Or maybe I'm just doing it wrong. Who cares, as long as he's feeding and not crying I'm certainly not.

"You're a good boy, huh?" I whisper, cradling him tightly in my arms.

I stare out of the window at the city. Oh my God, there's Wayne Tower. Most of it is blocked by other buildings, but it's so close I can almost see into the top floors. I press my hand onto the thick glass. Its almost like I'm touching it...

A hand comes down onto my shoulder.

I guess the Joker's awake then. I don't look up, I don't want to see him.

He crouches down beside me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

I focus on Evelyn, I'm not gonna let him get to me, I'm not.

He tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear before his lips gently kiss my neck, starting at the corner of my jaw and brushing down to my collarbone.

It's torture masked as affection and he knows it.

"Why are you doing this?" I demand through gritted teeth.

"Isn't this what normal people do? Normal people in love?"

"We're not in love," I almost spit out, turning and shielding the baby from him with my body.

"True," the Joker sighs dramatically and slumps down against the window. "But is anybody ever? Really?"

Evelyn coughs a little and wiggles away from me. I quickly cover myself with my blouse and wipe away the dribbles of milk away from his mouth. I can feel the Joker's eyes burning into my skin.

"I don't know," I respond quietly.

I think of Dick. And the tears start again. The last thing he said to me. 'I love you'. I didn't say it back. I was too scared. And now I'll never have the chance again.

"Please don't kill us Mr J," I sob. "I won't try to escape if you don't hurt us, I promise."

He wraps his arms around me and starts to laugh. To laugh and laugh and laugh. The louder and more hysterical he becomes I become - with crying.

I'm broken.

I'm so broken.