fanboy ↦ michael clifford {au}

two: never

CHAPTER TWO:

| michael's pov |

The smile she had always somehow made me feel better. It was like something that would warm me up on such a cold night. Just from that, I could make up silly scenarios in my head that I enjoyed thinking about.

I loved how her hair was dark brown under the sun and black when it wasn't. I loved how she tried to remember lyrics but would always forget in the end. I loved how she'd laugh at literally everything.

I loved her, I love her, and I think I'll still love her, as time passes.

I reminisced how I would always make fun of people who became so obsessed with celebrities. I’d mock how much hope they had and how ridiculous their reactions were.  

Being in their shoes right now, I was wrong. It wasn’t as stupid as I thought. 

"Tune in for more pringles in your butt," she said, and the video ended.

I found myself smiling like an idiot at how she'd somehow try to bring in humor in their vlogs. I couldn't say all her jokes were funny, but it would always make me happy.

A sigh threatened to escape my lips; why did it have to be this way? It was hard, so fucking hard to love someone.

Moreover, I don’t think there’d be a day wherein I’d meet her.

I lived in Australia, sure, but I don’t think I could even afford getting a concert ticket. I sucked at saving and money, generally.

Most importantly, it was difficult enough to socialize with people I see every day. I bet I wouldn’t even be able to say a word when I finally get the chance to speak with her.

My mum, on the other hand, doesn’t understand me. She would tell me it was good to have someone I like, but I knew that she’d always stop herself from saying that she didn’t like this. She didn’t like me staying up. She didn’t like how my grades were gradually getting lower. She didn't like how I dropped out of school. She didn’t like me doing this. She didn’t like what was happening to me.

But guess what? I don’t like this either.

I never wanted to be like this. 

I never wanted to fall in love.

I never wanted to get hurt.