fanboy ↦ michael clifford {au}

thirty-one: disarrayed

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE:

| belle's pov |

Ashton's puffy eyes made my heart sink. He's never been like this before. No, wait, he has been. That was when he broke up with his girlfriend, but that was long ago.

"G-go back," he told me, his voice husky from all the crying he's done.

Although I felt bad for leaving Michael behind, I couldn't just let Ashton stay like this. Not until he's told me why. "No, no. What happened?" I embraced him, trying to make him feel better.

"N-nothing. I just wa-wanted someone," he mumbled, nuzzling his face in my neck. I felt his hot tears quickly soaking my shirt, and that made me feel even worse- like I was the reason why he was crying.

"I'm here," I consoled, rubbing his back, not knowing what else I could say. I decided not to pester him with questions and just sat there with him.

Sometimes, people need to be weak.

The room was silent, excluding the occasional sniffling of Ashton. I didn't try to strike a conversation with him, scared that he might cry even more if I told him to explain the reason why he called me up, in the first place.

I couldn't help but think of Michael. He looked gloomy when I left.

Duh, Belle! You suddenly get up and leave him, when you were the one who agreed to go in the first place. Of course he'd be offended. He might even be angry at you right now.

Why did I even agree to do that? I knew I'd hurt him, but I still did it.

He's been nothing but an amazing guy, and I blew it. He might never talk to me again, and I'll just forever regret my decision.

But then... this is Ashton we're talking about. The guy I've always been head over heels for.

"Michael treats you right, though, Belle," my conscience screams at me, and I hate to say it, but it was true.

Because if I had to be honest, Ashton only needs me when he needs me. He doesn't actually need me at all; I was more of someone he could go to when he was alone. Otherwise, I don't think I'd even be as important as I think I am.

"Fuck it," I accidentally blurted out, and Ashton, whose tears were gone, looked at me, extremely baffled. I slowly let go of him, my jaw tense. "I... Listen, I'm going now."

He was disappointed, I could tell. I didn't think he'd be, but he actually was.

I stood up, going towards the front door, with fast footsteps. I might change my mind, and I didn't want to change my mind.

A pair of arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me back.

“Wait,” he said, voice low. 

I braced for myself for what was to come; why was he playing with me like this? I wasn’t finding it funny– the way he seemed to change emotions swiftly. What the heck was his problem?

He spun me around and kissed me. I wasn’t kidding; he really did kiss me. I didn’t know if this was to stop me or if it was to tell me something.

All I knew was that my feelings were disarrayed.