fanboy ↦ michael clifford {au}

thirty-two: tears

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO:

| michael’s pov |

Wiping the tears in my eyes, I cursed myself for feeling so weak. Why did I even waste my efforts on someone I should give up on? Did I think I had a chance of winning against Ashton?

No matter which way I put it, I was always the loser. She loves him; she likes me. He would always, always be more important.

Hearing the doorbell ring, I forced myself to get to the door. I was the only one home; I had no choice.

But as I dragged my feet, I realized how much I hated how my tears were like waterfalls; it has never been like this before. I really do mean never.

I tried to dry my face, using the sleeve of my shirt, but nothing was working. Guess whoever this visitor was would have to see a guy cry. Good luck with that.

“Michael, I’m so so- why are you crying?” Belle placed her hands on my cheeks, my tears being wiped away by her thumbs. 

The urge to close the door on her was strong; I didn’t want her to see me like this. If it was any other person– even if it was my mum– I’d just let them be. 

But the fact that the reason I was in this state in the first place was in front of me, it was different. I felt even more pitiful. I looked vulnerable– I was vulnerable.

“Lea-leave me alone,” I muttered; my voice broke, as I thought, and all the bad thoughts just kept on coming.

Ashton’s better.

It’s always been Ashton.

You’re not even an option.

You were never supposed to meet her.

You’re just a fan.

She slipped inside the house and shut the door. Her focus returned to me, and she said, “I won’t.” 

She brought me to the couch, making me sit down. Surprisingly, she didn’t utter a word and just stood in front of me, enveloping me in such a comforting embrace.

“Just cry it all away,” she murmured, her right hand running through my hair. 

I don’t know why, but I did it. 

I cried until I thought my eyes were going to fall off. 

I cried until her white shirt became drenched. 

I cried until I had no tears left.