fanboy ↦ michael clifford {au}

four: can't

CHAPTER FOUR:

| michael's pov |

My mum waved at me from the sidewalk; she was going out for work today.

The smile on my face instantly faded, once she was out of sight.

All I wanted to do these days was mope around. 

The dream seemed so real, like she was in my reach. I could finally meet her and be with her, even if it was only for a short time. But it was just too good to be true. 

Who was I kidding? I was only an eighteen year-old school dropout. My hair would always be in different colors. I wasn’t attractive. Hell, I’d love to hide under my covers, just to not show my face. I didn’t like how I looked, neither would she. 

Even my personality was a drag. Who would even want to date a video game geek? Though, I never called myself that, I knew I was a geek, at some point. I would shoot some curses here and there, and I don’t think girls would find that great. 

“Goddamn it, Michael!” I exclaimed, throwing the covers off of me. I couldn’t believe I was bringing myself down. 

I took my laptop and opened it, just like always. Scrolling through my dashboard, all I could see were pictures of her. My hands clenched into fists, in an attempt to hold back all my emotions. 

“I won’t get hurt. I won’t be affected. She’s just a girl,” I murmured to myself, repeating it to get it sealed in my brain. 

I wouldn’t feel anything for her, even if she’d trail her fingers on my palm, trying to tickle me or run her hands through my hair, fixing it since it was all over the place. Even if she’ll listen to all my frustrations all night long and just be there for me. Even if she’d tell me she loved me.

“Stop that,” I reprimanded myself, as all these scenes came alive in my head.

It made me smile, but at the same time, stabbed me in the heart. They were all just like my dreams- fictitious. At the end of the day, they were all just fantasies. Nothing that will ever come true.

I can forget her, I really could.

But I don’t think I can bring myself to.